Ulysses Alonso Arrested Again, Plops Onto Our List Of Worst Boyfriend/Husbands Ever

Myrka Dellanos’ estranged, strange husband, Ulysses Alonso, has been arrested for the 4,527th time. This time, he’s been accused of stealing documents belonging to Myrka and attempting to sell them off to People en Español. He’s been charged with theft, extortion and being an utter neanderthal. He wanted $50,000 from People in Espanish to either run the information Ulysses provided, or to keep him quiet. 

Check out the charges against Ulysses and please be sure to note the subtle way in which the reporter insinuates that Ulysses is a large, weepy, disgusting crybaby:

What a guy. But, truth is, Ulysses did not exactly break the mold at the douche factory. There are many more where he came from. And they happen to be on this list, right here:

Alberto Cutié

Seriously, any guy who is so much into public displays of affection that he is willing to reach into the back of your bathing suit and grab your ass on the beach is totally a creepster and should be avoided at all costs. Doubly so if he happens to be, you know. A Catholic priest. Why? Because if he’s taken his vow of celibacy seriously for any length of time and he suddenly decides to break that vow, he is likely to go absolutely apeshit stick his… communion wafer… into everything and anything. 

Frito Bandito

We’ve heard gossip around the beer fridge water cooler that this dude has something of a nasty temper. And don’t ever ask him, “Hey is that a gun in your pocket, or…” Yeah. It’s a gun.

Manuel Uribe

Manuel seems like a nice guy, and there’s no doubt that there is quite a lot of him to love, but we worry about what he’s like as a boyfriend. Face it: He brings the drama. Building himself a special “Meme-Mobile?” Talking to the press about his sex ramp? Too much of an ego for us to handle, frankly.