GM Cars: We Hardly Knew Ye, Except For That Time We Got To Know The Backseat Of A Buick Lesabre Fairly Well.

Now that General Motors is (once again) on the brink of crying itself into a blackout in the shower on a Friday night, we wonder what impact this will have on all the gorgeous lowriders the company’s various car manufacturers has bestowed upon us over the years. 

Let’s take a jerky, super firme stroll down Memory Lane (which, in case you were not aware, is located in Echo Park) and discuss a few of the cars that GM has pooped out:

5. Chevrolet Impala 

Fact: 57% of all babies were created in a Chevrolet Impala. Of those Impalas, roughly 68% were painted bright orange.

4. Cadillac Escalade

If you are going to shout obscenities at a 17-year-old future blogger while she strolls down South Beach with her friends, this is the vehicle from which to do it. This car is ruined for us forever.

3. Buick Regal

It’s called a Regal because it is fancy. Hella, hella fancy.

2. Cadillac Fleetwood 

What else would you name a car? P.S. I think I know this girl. Because she lives in my heart.

1. Pontiac GTO

Look at this picture to long and it might result in pregnancy. Especially if you’re a dude.

What we’re saying is do not let the dream die. You know the dream: Tearing down a back street at four in the afternoon with two or eight of your friends, all of whom have colorful nicknames (Tiny, Fat Mike, Little Mike, El Chino, Gringo Nick With The Slight Limp Whose Mom Is Kind Of Hot, etc). Feeling the wind whip across your chrome dome as the woman-in-bikini-wrestling-a-snake tattoo on your forearm dances to the sweet, sweet beats of War. Don’t you let that die:

Among certain youths—often first-generation Americans—there remains a vestigial fondness for Chevelle low-riders or Honda “tuners.” The pointy-headed busybodies have yet to enfold these youngsters in the iron-clad conformity of cultural diversity’s embrace. Soon the kids will be expressing their creative energy in a more constructive way, planting bok choy in community gardens and decorating homeless shelters with murals of Che.

Man, no. No one lost their V card to their boyfriend in amidst rows of bok choy in some community garden. Or if the did, it certainly did not hold the same nostalgia-heaped romanticism of doin’ it in a Lasabre. 

[Thanks Alejand for the link.]

Union reverses role in GM rescue plan [BBC]