Jessica Alba Has Attacked Oklahoma With Sharks

Attention Oklahoma: if you see a great, white Mexican girl circling your billboards, call the cops. Repeat, if you see a great, white Mexican girl circling your billboards, SHE IS ARMED WITH HOT GLUE AND DANGEROUS. CALL THE COPS. OR LA MIGRA. HAVE THAT CRAZY BITCH DEPORTED.

Jessica Alba is being investigated by the police in Oklahoma City for vandalizing some billboards in the area with pictures of sharks. Yes, like most celebrities, she’s fallen prey to some hipster campaign of the month that won’t actually accomplish anything. This one was instigated by a website called White Mike that seeks to save endangered white sharks by ruining the environment with a permanent, toxic glue. Jessica hooked up with White Mike and flew them to Oklahoma City to vandalize the town in which she is currently shooting. (Maybe they will string her up like a piñata, too.) The group posted random pictures of a great white shark with no other information–No web address. No phone number. Not even a line of copy letting people know what the random shark is about–on top of billboards, bridges and electrical boxes. They’re very Banksy, so you can see why all the assholes are into them. Four days ago, whoever runs the website posted this message on their Twitter page:

Just came back from OK! Had a blast tagging with a new friend. Check out the pics with Jessica Alba’s help here: http://tinyurl.com/pan4qk

That url, of course, now leads nowhere as Jessica’s publicist received a phone call from the cops saying that her nefarious sharks won’t come off of the places where they were stuck. And one of those places was a donated United Way billboard. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Fuck you, man. My plight is worse than your plight. Now the non-profit is going to have to pay to replace the billboard out of their own pockets. Of course, Jessica has offered to pay up, but we’d rather see her pay it off in an Oklahoma women’s prison. Come on, we’ll give her a shark cage.

Cops Investigating Jessica Alba Shark Attack [TMZ]
Jessica Alba Promotes Saving Sharks By Defacing Oklahoma City [Ecorazzi]