Latinas On FHM’s 100 Hottest List

FHM has announced their list of the “100 Sexiest Women in the World.” But “wait a minute,” you say, “I do not see ‘Alex Alvarez’ on this list. I am confused and upset. What’s going on?” Worry not, kittens. We merely found it tiresome and unjust to keep topping the list every single year and asked to have our name withdrawn. 

Now, to the lovely ladies who did appear on the list. They’re… pretty much what you’d except. Thin. Large breasted, for the most part. Mostly light-skinned. Conventionally pretty. And in the entertainment field. 

We’d love it if, just once, they chose a really big woman to be on the list. Or a woman in politics. Or, Jesus, a pretty Albino woman. 

Sigh:

99. Odette Yustman

This Cuban actress was born in Colombia, raised in Nicaragua and is now off being hot in the U.S. Her film debut was in Kindergarten Cop but is probably better known for her role in Cloverfield. Although we’re sure her best work to date was in the Lifetime original movie Reckless Behavior: Caught on Tape.

89. Adrianna Costa

Adrianna is a TV personality who looks nice in a bikini and is somehow well-known enough to be on this list. She’s been on CNN and hosted On The Lot. So there you go.

77. Eva Longoria

We assume you are familiar with his person by now. NEXT.

74. Michelle Rodriguez

Why isn’t Michelle on the top of the list every year? Why even have a list if Michelle is around? To punch you in the penis if she disagrees with her placement. 

64. Alessandra Ambrosio

Hot. Brazilian. Lingerie model. You know the drill.

44. Shakira

We haven’t really thought about old Shaks in a while. We guess she’s still hot, somewhere underneath all that bleach-blonde hair. 

42. Vanessa Hudgens

Maybe this is a sign that we’re getting old, but we have a difficult time thinking of Vanessa as “hot.” Maybe after she learns to ride a bike without training wheels.

38. Cameron Diaz

No seriously, Cam. Run.

37. Gisele Bundchen

Zzzzz.

35. Christina Aguilera

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

29. Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek is going to keep being included on these lists until she’s a hot octogenarian. 

19. Eva Mendes

Does she get paid for this sort of thing? We’re kind of worrying about Eva and her career at this point.

6. Adriana Lima

Yes, yes. She’s perfect. We know.

2. Jessica Alba

She is truly a friend to sharks and to horny young men the world over. Good on ya, Jess.

Click Below for Pictures of the Latinas Who Made FHM’s Hot 100 List