This Day In Latino History

On this day in 1981, an angry, hulking baby boy clawed his way out of his mother’s womb in Puerto Cabello, Venezuela. His family, the Zambranos, truck-drivers by trade, called this little Toro Carlos and soon he was kicking his brothers’ arses in every sport–especially baseball where he could gun balls from the outfield to home plate by the time he was fourteen. It wasn’t long before he drew the attention of coaches and scouts and found his way to America where he was offered a professional baseball contract with the Chicago Cubs organization at the ripe old age of sixteen. Perhaps this is why he is still such a manchild? You see, Carlos’ prowess on the mound–matched by his powerful switch hitting–is often overshadowed by his legendary temper tantrums. Last week, during a home game against the Pittsburgh Pirates, he took a bat to a Gatorade machine that will not be fucking with him again, we can tell you that. (They had to retire the poor thing.) Fortunately, The Big Z has plenty of time to celebrate his birthday today because that display of emotions got him suspended for six games. An annoyance on the field, but pure theater for those of us writing a gossip column. Happy Birthday, Carlos. Please don’t ever grow up.