Levi Johnston Is The Next Edward James Olmos. Trust.

Wasillxican Levi Johnston has his glazed, curiously blank eyes set on Hollywood. In order to achieve his dream of possibly someday co-starring on a reality show with Chyna and Dustin Diamond, he has hired a bodyguard / manager named Tank and has set about creating an alter-ego named “Hollywood Ricky.”

The duo have been described as something of an odd couple: Tank is a large black man who dons size 58 suits custom-made for him in Hong Kong and wears headgear that is not backed with mesh; Levi is a Sexican-Amerkin made of sperm and jerky. Tank has also been exposed to things in life more elegant than building MySpace pages in which one refers to oneself as a “fucking redneck:”

Besides acting as Levi’s handler, Tank is his personal Tim Gunn and Henry Higgins all in one, instructing him on the subtleties of wearing a fedora and reminding him to be open-minded about the different types of people he might encounter.

Like the man who called Levi “baby” backstage at The Tyra Banks Show. Or Mario Lopez, who didn’t understand that large black men with an affinity for fedoras do exist in Alaska. And who also called Levi “baby” backstage. Explains Tank:

Like we went to Extra today, and [to Levi] they were like, ‘Where did you find him? Where do you live?’ and I was like, ‘I live in Alaska,’ You know, they don’t believe I live in Alaska. And we told Mario Lopez, ‘Hey, look, we have a Latino community up there!’ And he’s like, ‘What? Get out!’ I said, ‘We have a salsa club up there! This is a very diverse community here!

Do you know who is awesome? Tank. Tank is awesome. In fact, Tank is so awesome that we sort of suspect he’s a hired actor intending to drum up publicity for himself through his association with Levi. Then again, we’re the cynical sort.

And whence did the name “Ricky Hollywood” come? Tank apparently created it for Levi so that he could embody a character and be more comfortable in front of cameras.

Which begs the question: Why is it that Levi needs to be famous? Why can’t be just marry us and let us take care of him?  So far, Levi Jonhston doesn’t have his own IMDB page, but he does have projects in the works - including talk of a reality series based on hunting.

Shopping with Levi Johnston [The Daily Beast]