Mark Sanford Governor Of South Carolina Was In Argentina, Didn’t Report To The U.S. Embassy There

Guanabee has learned exclusively from a source at the U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires that Mark Sanford did not report his visit to Argentina this weekend. Yesterday the media was abuzz with the news that South Carolina governor Mark Sanford had disappeared since Thursday without his staff’s or his family’s knowledge of his whereabouts. His staff told the press he was probably hiking in the Appalachian mountains. Today, Sanford comes home to announce that, no, he was in Buenos Aires. To defend his staff’s apparent lies, Sanford told local South Carolina paper The State that he had considered going to the Appalachian trail, but instead decided to do something “more exotic.”

Which is obviously code for exotic dancer. He wanted to find Andrea Rincón. When he heard that Bill Clinton offered her a thousand dollars to slob on his knob, he had to see her for himself. That woman’s breasts have a gravitational pull stronger than the moon. Cuz they’re two moons. Get it? GET IT???

Weird details to this story:

• Guanabee has learned exclusively that Mark Sanford did not report his visit to the U.S. Embassy in Argentina.
• Sanford’s wife told the press yesterday that she didn’t know where he was, but that she wasn’t worried.
• He disappeared on Father’s Day weekend, although he has four kids.
• He won’t tell anyone what he was doing in Argentina.
• Argentine immigration won’t tell either.
• The press was leaked this story by his many political enemies, including the S. Carolina Lt. Governor who thinks something fishy is going on.
• On his return this morning, Sanford flew into Atlanta instead of Columbia, South Carolina.

Sanford plans to hold a press conference today at 2PM ET. Stay tuned to Guanabee for developments.