The Pope And Cutié’s Mom React To Alberto Cutié’s Conversion To The Episcopal Church

The Pope is not happy with Alberto Cutié’s conversion to Protestantism. Like, the whole breaking of vows and being a hypocrite before his congregation and fans thing is kind of whatever. But running off to play for another team? Highly inappropriate.

Pope Benedict XVI said that the Episcopal Church is continually “straying further and further away” from the Bible, what with their gay-loving bombastic choral tradition and all. The Pope said they were in dire need of direction as they currently function like a ship without a wheel. Or a crackhead with no money.  

Cutié’s mother, Yolanda Cutié, meanwhile, attended her son’s ceremony as he was welcomed into his new religion. Then, later that same day, she grabbed a couple of friends and a tasty cocktail to watch a documentary. Yolanda was pissed to see paparazzi had followed her and promptly yelled, “God is going to punish you!” God only forgives hot priests. And everyone else can look forward to unending torture at the hands of merciless demon-children deep the wretched bowels of Hell.

The public and the media, however, have been a little less supportive of Alberto than has his mother. At a press conference directly following Alberto and Ruhama’s induction, a Mexican journalist asked Bishop Leo Frade, head of the Episcopal Diocese of Southeast Florida, whether the Episcopal Church would still have accepted Cutié into their fold had he been caught kissing a man. (Again, because they totally love gays over there.) The Bishop laughed and was, like, “Duh!”  And then he did a funny dance and everyone laughed and said, “Hey! Maybe we’re not so different after all! Your penchant for gay ladypriests notwithstanding.”

[TVnotas, print version]