Retro-Liveblogging Hugo Chavez’s Alo Presidente 10th Anniversary Marathon
4 June 2009, 1:30 PM. By Cindy Casares
This weekend, to celebrate the 10th anniversary of his television show, Alo Presidente, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez announced to the world that he would air a four day marathon. Four days of Hugo Chavez singing the praises of Hugo Chavez and the movimiento. What could be more sublime? Except that 8 hours into it, Alo Presidente suddenly went off the air with a cryptic explanation from the information ministry citing “technical difficulties.” [Ed: What had happened was, technically, four days is a long, motherfucking time.] Chavez reappeared last night to say that President Obama and the CIA are trying to kill him (what else is new?) but stuck to the official non-excuse for his failure to broadcast on Sunday, quickly reverting back to the bigger issue “at hand,” the assassination plot against him. So, in lieu of other information, we present for you now the retro-liveblog of Alo Presidente’s historic, eight hour, 10th anniversary marathon
Thursday May 28, 2009
7:57 AM: Almost time for the show. We wonder what Hugo Chavez will wear? That red guayabera or that red guayabera with the fringe.
8:00 AM: It’s time. Alooooo, Presidente!
8:00:10 AM: Hugo makes his first threat to private television. It’s the little things you can count on that make you feel safe in the world.
8:25 AM: Hugo says he’s getting fat. Everyone is looking around nervously.
8:45 AM: He just showed us his catheter.
10:30 AM: Sorry, we fell asleep during Hugo’s song about saving an electric plant from privatization.
10: 47 AM: He just called Fidel Castro, “Our father who art in Havana.” Did he die? Cuz we should have posted on that.
11: 30 AM: Is it time for lunch yet? We hear Hugo is making a giant arepa for the whole studio filled with government-sanctioned lengua.
2:30 PM: We got sidetracked by a Gilmore Girls marathon on ABC Family. Sorry. We’re back now. Promise.
2:47 PM: Hugo’s dishing about his relationship with Naomi Campbell. He says he dumped her. It wasn’t her temper like everyone thinks. It was the fact that she used to be a man. (WTF?!)
3:00 PM: Awko taco time: he’s telling teenagers to avoid casual sex. Good segue from Naomi, though.
3:12 PM: Special appearance from Sean Penn. He did a soft shoe while handing out land titles to peasants. That man is a triple threat.
3:35 PM: Chavez just challenged right-wing intellectual Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa to a debate.
4:00 PM: Hey, how come he just went off the air? We guess by “debate” he meant that he would go off the air in 25 minutes and never be heard from again.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
4:00AM: Hello? Oh damn. Guess we’ll go see what’s on the Granma YouTube page.
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For being a president, he seems to have a lot of time on his hands.
It’s just that he cares so much about the people that he’s willing to donate so much of his time, until he gets bored, for their well-being.
Vamos Presidente, if Jerry Lewis can do it why can’t you? BTW - Hugz, your set looks like Caso Cerrado. Do you also conduct TV court room shows? I’m moving to Venezuela.
Presigordo ees more like it
Didn’t he used to be a paratrooper. He should totally parachute into the set one day. Then he could like do it wearing assless chaps and come down and end up sitting on the face of his like finance minister or someone.