Cristiano Ronaldo Is Plagued By Gay Rumors And Has A Dead Dad, Says Spanish-Language Tabloid For No Reason

TVyNovelas is revealing some less than savory details about Cristiano Ronaldo’s life and family. For example: Did you know he’s the biological father of Michael Jackson’s children?

In a piece running under the headline “Rodeada Sobre Su Sexualidad!,” the tabloid reveals that Cristiano’s father died at age 51 due, apparently, to problems related to his alcoholism. His younger brother, Hugo, is said to be a drug addict and an alcoholic as well. Although, perhaps more embarrassing, one of Cristiano’s two older brothers, Catia, is a pop singer who goes by the stage name “Ronalda.” 

The article also touched upon Ronaldo’s brief flirtation with Paris Hilton in Los Angeles. Paris apparently felt Ronaldo was too feminine for her liking and was hesitant to enter into a relationship someone who “wears flowers in his hair.” This from a woman who willingly dated this.

We guess that kind of has something to do with his sexuality, maybe? Really, we don’t see what talking about someone dead dad or embarrassingly nicknamed sibling has to do with a discussion on sexuality. 

The article ends with a total non-sequitur about his car crash in January, which totaled his Ferrari but left Ronaldo without so much as a scratch.

It’s fun to see how, when someone rises to prominence (Cristiano is now, after all, the most expensive soccer player in the whole entire universe), they must immediately be shut down, either by a scandal or… a sort of wildly unnecessary fluffy piece about a hook-up and a car crash and an alcohol problem other than his own. 

Also, was this image really necessary, given the article’s headline?

Rodeada Sobre Su Sexualidad [TVyNovelas, print version]