A Journey Through Ethpaña With Lady Gwyneth Paltrow
1 July 2009, 5:00 PM. By Alex Alvarez
Gwyneth Paltrow, as most of you know by now, spent some time eating her way through Spain with celebrity chef Mario Batali for their series “Spain… On the Road Again.” The project was mostly delightful, save for Gwyneth’s Whiteness™ and the fact that it included one of our pet peeves (which you’ll see if you follow that link in the first sentence) - skinny women complaining about gaining weight. You know, if you’re so worried about ballooning after eating one fucking churro con chocolate, just don’t eat it. Give it to us. And then watch us eat it with your hungry, pleading eyes.
Anyway. Gwyneth, Spain. She knows it better than any other American who has ever traveled there. She loves it more than the Spanish themselves. Gwyneth and Spain go together like… Well. Like a churro and chocolate. We mean, it’s just got so much history. And people there know how to live, ya know? Or so says Gwyneth, while munching on macrobiotic edamame-quinoa balls:
It is so different from the United States. It seemed to have a history, and the buildings are years and years and years old. Here in the United States an old building is about 17 (years old), and over there it’s from 500 B.C., it’s incredible.
Also, the way people live over there. They seem to enjoy life a little bit more. They aren’t running around as much as in New York. They enjoy time with the family. They don’t always have their BlackBerry on.
Hey, you know who else enjoys time with family and doesn’t always have a BlackBerry on? Most of the planet. Me cago en la virgen, tia! We guess we’re mostly bothered by the indication that Spain only matters since Gwyneth, and American tourists, enjoy it. And even then, they only enjoy the, well. Enjoyable parts. Maybe people don’t have BlackBerries because, oh, some of them live on farms? Or are Ecuadorian immigrants? Man, this isn’t a tableau in It’s A Small World, Gwyn.
The actress, who also says she could never go on a diet, is even planning a cookbook on Spanish-influenced cuisine. Because she’s the expert.
Gwyneth Paltrow: People “Enjoy Life” More in Spain Than United States [Us Weekly]
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I hate that bitch so hard, I can’t believe you managed to make laugh while reading this. “She loves it more than the Spanish themselves” KILLED me. Still laughing.
There are few celebrities that stir any reaction (good or bad) in me. However, Vanilla Ice (bc she exudes frigid, white bitch to the max) me cae como una tremenda patada en la barriga. Allow us to remember this is the same sack of bones that refuses to call Billy Joel by that name & only refers to him as William. En serio. She thinks that just bc the Prince se la estaba comiendo before dumping her to marry Leticia & she’s done a few campaigns for El Corte Ingles, she is more Spanish than Paloma San Basilio. Bitch, puuhhleez! She wouldn’t know a Jamon Serrano if it was tapping her flat culi.
I couldn’t agree more w you on how she is like other American tourists whose only interest in a Spanish-speaking country extends to Spain. I believe they think it’s somehow safer, less primitive & even better than our countries in Latin America. What this insipid & ignorant huevona fails to see is that the only thing the Spanish may be better at than us is being hypocrites. Because I know for a damn fact that her incredible snobbery, macrobiotic-eating, English-accent acquiring, know-it-all ways would get her beat down harder than a pinata in many a barrio. Estupida.
I hope she chokes on a chorizo.
The typos are getting in the way of me enjoying this blog.