If Michelle Rodriguez Got Implants, We’re Going To Go Berate A Male Stripper So Help Us God

Dr. Robert Rey, probably best known to some of you by his gang name: “Dr. 90210,” says he believes actress / stripper hater Michelle Rodriguez got a breast augmentation. Unless he is talking about the Super Sizing of her chicken McNuggets, we’re going to put our hands over our ears and sing “LA LA LA LA LA” immediately before rushing out, finding a male stripper, and informing him that his penis could double as dental floss.

Dr. Rey, who has not treated Michelle seeing how his hands would have immediately burst into flames upon contact with her skin, says Michelle seems to have gone from a B cup to a full C. Helpful accompanying photos demonstrate this dramatic transformation by showing us images labeled “Before: Flat” and “Now: Busty.”

Call us crazy, but maybe her chest looks different because she’s wearing a bra in one photo and not in the other? We literally go from a -A to a full A thanks to bras for tweens purchased on sale at Kmart. There’s no real skill or magic or surgery involved. 

But, in all seriousness, if Michelle gets a breast implants, that’s pretty much the end of us as a couple. We won’t be sending her any more clever e-cards during the work day. We need at least one woman in Hollywood who can be seen as both a sexy person and someone who will hand you your own ass if necessary.

[Life & Style, print]