Real World Cancun: Bumping Ugly Americans

The Real World Cancun just aired its second episode and, in the spirit of Mexican time, we are just getting around to watching the first one. Come meet the housemates and barf up some tequila with us.

CJ

CJ (The C. stands for Christian. The J., maybe Junior?) is a free agent NFL player from Florida. He’s also the pretty boy of the house that all the girls want to get with. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend back home.

Ayiiia

Ayiiia is the online winner picked by YOU to be in the Real World House. She’s still young enough to think this will be the greatest experience of her life and that that isn’t a sad thing. She’s Mexican-American with the requisite amount of cousins. She was obviously chosen by the producers because she actually speaks Spanish, though she’s only ever been to Tijuana.

Jonna & Derek

Jonna works at a bar called The Cadillac Ranch in Tempe, Arizona. She and her gay best friend Derek, who also works at the Ranch and may also be Latino, (he’s adopted), were both picked to live in the house. Jonna has studs and tattoos in her back. She also has a boyfriend named Matt, (he gave her a promise piercing on her finger), who also works at The Ranch and is not as good looking as her and already knows what’s up.

Matt: If I went away for four months, tell me you wouldn’t be nervous.

Jonna: About me cheating?

Matt: About anything. Any stupid thing that could come between us.

Jonna: Like what? Me cheating on you?

Emilee

Emilee is a 21 year-old from Boston who’s never lived out of the country. She says the phrase, “fired up” as in “I’m fired up about Cancun.” She works at Hooters.

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Bronne

Bronne (pronounced “like the paper towel”) says he gets in more trouble than anyone he knows for the stupidest things in the world. And he’s straight, by the way. (Totally wants to fuck Derek.)

Jasmine

Jasmine is a petite Texan who suffers from a Napoleaon complex.

Joey

Joey actually has the balls to admit he plays in a Pop Punk band because this is the generation for whom that is acceptable. He wants to be “the first roommate to get ass.” We predicted that honor would go to CJ. Especially since Joey made fun of Emilee for working at Hooters on the first day. We were wrong.

After making a pact to “all have each other’s back,” the group heads off to their luxury highrise apartment in the sky. On the first night, Derek tells the guys that Jonna used to be slutty before she got with her boyfriend. They make a bet about who will bang her first. Aw. On their second night in town, the gang heads down to a nightclub where Joey hooks up with a young woman named Courtney and Bronne hooks up WITH HER MOTHER. Oh, Bronne. Mexico, it’s like a whole other country.