Hey Ladies! Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez Overshares AGAIN About Eating Pussy.
27 August 2009, 5:10 PM. By Alex Alvarez
Remember when literary scribe Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez was bi, and then she wasn’t, but maybe she was, but don’t you dare tell anyone? The short version goes like this: Alisa told popular lesbian site AfterEllen.com that she is bi, so they published this tidbit about her in their interview. Her Wikipedia page was subsequently updated to reflect this new information. Alisa asked Wikipedia to remove this update because it had resulted in hate mail from fascist Cuban Americans (to be fair, we only write moderately annoyed haikus to Alisa on Post-Its; we never send hate mail). This did not sit well with AfterEllen’s editor, who wrote that she felt Alisa had used her site and exploited perceptions of female bisexuality to garner publicity. Alisa felt that a marauding bands of lesbian terrorists were attacking her and, oh, is there anywhere that one can just safely vent and maybe be really vague or misleading about her sexual orienation? (Turns out: LiveJournal.)
Well. Now she’s bi again! And, guys, she just loves nothing more than sticking her nose deep into a waiting, quivering vagina. Let her tell you all about it:
So, let’s recap what we’ve learned from Sapphic Scholar Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez:
- If at first you don’t succeed on Match.com, dip your toes into new waters. Fingers, too.
- Married friends can’t get enough of fucking oversharers.
- All lesbians that Alisa knows are really into dogs.
And, finally…
- If you can’t garner attention or interest through your writing, go ahead and fuck someone. Anyone. And then tell us all about it! Because that’s kind of like a personal achievement. In a way. Maybe?
We joke and yet… here we are writing about Alisa yet again. So maybe she’s on to something after all.
Alisa, we should totally go out sometime.
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Jesus Christ! I click on this Web site for the first time in months and the first story I see is something about my ex-wife and her bi-sexuality. Don’t you people have someone more famous to write about? Okay, so maybe not. This is a site aimed at Latinos, after all. Still, what really upsets me is that this shit is such old news. I’m really surprised at you, Alejandra Alvarez. Being the associate editor of such a popular gossip Web site I’d figure you’d be more on top of things. Metaphorically, I mean.
I’m tickled that you specified “metaphorically.” Writing about Alisa and her ilk is more appealing to me than writing about celebrities, because she is better able to directly create and monitor her image instead of hiring a bunch of handlers to do so for her. So it’s interesting, to me, to see what people do when they have that ability - especially writers.
And hey, hey, HEY there, man. There’s no more associate in there. I’m the full-fledged editor. It’s like being bi and then getting a dog and becoming a full-on lesbian.
I don’t understand the thing about getting a dog and becoming a lesbian, but whatever. I’m sure you’ll enlighten me some day. Perhaps you’ve got a personal anecdote you’d like to share. I’m kidding of course. You’ll never share it with me.
Anyway, I just found the posted story weird, in the sense that I just happened to stumble upon it and was totally surprised, though I don’t know why. You and your staff are totally free to ridicule one’s actions, within a certain boundary. People do it all the time. Harmless fun, really.
Sorry about calling you the associate editor, I wasn’t aware of the promotion. But like I mentioned earlier, it’s been some time since I last visited this site.
Nice to see you could tear yourself away from writing fake positive reviews of Alisa’s latest steaming pile on Amazon, Patrick. Strange that such a “successful” author would need that kind of help.
Just call it destiny dude. You wouldn’t want people to think that you’ve been hired to monitor such things, right?
Its kind of sad to see such a judgemental posting about a fellow Latina just because your views don’t match hers. Last time I checked, we are all entitled to freedom of speech. After viewing the FULL interview on the link, I must say, you could’ve done a better job at cutting out and editing the sound bites you wanted to just to make your point. It is articles like these that further confirm the stereotype of petty, Latina chismosas instead of brave, outspoken groundbreakers that I know we are. I wish you’d applaud her courage instead of degrading her character.
I have to admit I don’t stand behind the concept of doling out blind praise to someone on the basis that she and I happen to share an ethnicity. It also gives me pause when the act of speaking about one’s sexual orientation or preferences is uniformly blanketed with terms like “brave” or “courageous” and “groundbreaking.” I don’t believe admitting to a “girlcrush” is brave. I don’t think drunkenly making out with a girl at a frat party is courageous when both people in question would squirm uncomfortably in the presence of a drag king or wouldn’t dare set foot in a lesbian bar. I don’t think it breaks ground to admit to being bisexual, then disown your statement, and then claim you are being “attacked by lesbians.”
I don’t know the extent of Alisa’s feelings and beliefs. I have no idea what’s in her heart or what turns her on. I only know what she puts out there, and this is how I’m interpreting it based on a pattern of behavior. I have no ill feelings towards her - I’ve previously given praise where I felt praise is due when it comes to things she’s blogged. But if I perceive someone is putting on a gay minstrel show for the sake of publicity, I’m going to go ahead and call it out.
People are absolutely feel to disagree and think me a judgmental, petty chismosa - I’m totally ok with that. I’m not trying to either ram or gently coax my opinions into you whilst whispering sweet nothings. I just wanted to clarify some of the points you brought up.
Alejandra, if you really think that Alisa is putting on a “gay minstrel show” for the sake of publicity, then you’re as ignorant as your predecessor. I hope that isn’t true. I actually find most of your writing funny and agree with your opinion of not fawning over someone because they share a perceived ethncity. It’s very attractive. But you’re wrong on this account.
First of all, being bi-sexual is not the same as being just gay or lesbian. Good. Hopefully we’ve cleared that up.
Secondly, Alisa didn’t put this news out there to sell books or for publicity; this is something she’s grappled — for lack of a better word — with for many years. She only wanted to share something personal with her fans, though I do admit the timing was a little suspect and how it could have been misconstrued. Nonetheless, the idea that Alisa’s intention was to seek attention is false. I mean, let’s be honest here: As nice as Alisa’s readers are, I doubt most of them are open-minded enough to accept her being bi-sexual. In other words, using bi-sexualty as a marketing gimmick wouldn’t result in much success. I’m sure you realize that.
Thirdly, and I know this is a foreign concept at Guanabee, but how about reporting on something postive for a change. I don’t mean blind praise and kissing ass and whatnot. I’m talking about real satire, the kind where you also make fun of the subject and yourself. You could still do it with snark and whatever else you and your staff get off on, all the while showing off a bit of humanity, for once.
Cool. Thanks for your input. You would certainly know about her motivations and private struggles better than I would - which goes to reinforce my point that she has not articulated these terribly well through her public behavior when it comes to the issue of her sexuality.
To the contrary, many people will argue that she’s expressed herself quite clearly.
Yes, she’s written a lot about her personal life on her blogs and whatever, but so what? A lot of people do that, celebrity or otherwise. Just the other day I wrote on my blog about these three chicks I… Oh, never mind. The point is, your problem with Alisa isn’t her public behavior, per see, but the fact that she’s bi-sexual and a woman and a successful novelist, plain and simple. And dishing out snide remarks because of someone’s sexual preference, something that they can’t control, is quite petty and low. It reeks of jealousy.
The hilarity of someone who overshares as much as Alisa pretending to be upset when we pay attention. And as for us editing the video down (from 14 minutes!), we only removed the parts where she tries to paint herself as a gay role model and we posted a link to the full interview. We are, after all, editors. And, Patrick, if you’re hankering for something positive, have you seen my write up on Ted Kennedy?
The title of this post alone made me laugh.
Wow, that guy is a role model for all ex-husbands. He should teach a class. And if I ever get an ex-husband, I’m enrolling him for a full semester.
It is interesting to me that someone who admittedly has not read this site in a while is complaining about its content. So you read a post that struck a nerve and personally offended you. Big deal. That happens all the time. (Though Don Johnson didn’t send numerous comments about that other post - guess he could use the Ex-Husbands class.) But the truth is, we are all entitled to our own opinions. Alex gets to write hers here - it’s her job. And we get to comment because we do have differing opinions sometimes. And you know what? That just how the interweb is supposed to work. Harmless fun, really.
i agree with the part about him being a loyal ex husband!! but jeeez he defends her like a mama bear would their cub! chillax and stop attacking the writer. its her opinion and your coming off as a douche!
Yup. That was my facetious way of letting him know that if he can’t put on his big-boy chones and read what is on this site, then maybe he should go find his ratty, old copy of Dirty Girls Social Club and read that instead. In the fetile position with a blankie, where it’s safe.
This kind of chisme is more entertaining than her books.
Pretty much everything is more entertaining than her books.
Dude, give it a rest. We don’t got a problem that she’s bisexual. Is she a successful novelist? I wouldn’t know, cause I don’t read books. But yeah, anytime you want to get down with a menage a quad, give us a call. I’ll fuck you both.