Guanabee Guide: Your Comprehensive Swine Flu Back-To-School List

Time for school!

Parents of young students in São Paulo are taking extra precautions as their kids return to school today. This exciting day in a child’s life is colored by fears of contacting swine flu as kids kiss and mack all over one another. According to the hilariousness that is Google Translate, the problem is rampant among elementary school children:

Other recommendations, however, were not taken seriously by their children, a girl of 7 and a boy of 11 years. “I said, nothing of the friendly kiss. But the first thing they did was to kiss, “he said, smiling, Ana Paula. 

Schools are placing cups next to drinking fountains and passing out hand sanitizers in an effort to keep children from pouring their bodily fluids all over one another. 

Here in the U.S, parents and teachers are anticipating several flu clinics sprouting up this Fall for the start of the new school year. Schools in Mississippi and Louisiana are already reporting several cases of the flu among students during this, the first week back to school and some are worried that there might not be enough vaccinations available to meet demands should another huge outbreak occur. 

Which makes it the ideal time present you with this - Guanabee’s official back-to-school checklist for dealing with swine flu:

• Use Purell. Not only will it keep you safe from a global pandemic, it will also make you off-putting and seemingly anal retentive, thus keeping potentially infected people away from you.

• Do not drink from water fountains. Not only is doing so a good way to keep from catching an illness, have you ever noticed how, when a drinking fountain is next to a bathroom, the water in the fountain rises every time someone flushes?

• Get vaccinated! Better yet, steal vaccinations and stockpile them in your special bunker along with Spam and condoms.

• Avoid people. They are gross and spread disease.

• If you are a seven-year-old Brazilian girl, avoid kissing an eleven-year-old Brazilian boy in front of your mom, or she will be quoted on a Brazilian site and make you seem a little bit creepy. People in general should avoid kissing eleven-year-old boys. Who knows where they’ve been.

Pais põem álcool em gel nas mochilas dos filhos na volta às aulas [Globo]