Eddie Cibrian Talks About Divorce, Is On Our List Of “Hot Guys We’d Never Touch”

"Why won't Alex return my texts?"

Eddie Cibrian is going through a divorce while planning a trip to Mexico with LeAnn Rimes, the woman with whom he cheated repeatedly during his marriage. He’s an example of a guy who is unequivocally nice to look at who, because of his behavior, loses his appeal. Like, we’d be tousling his hair and brushing our lips against his stubble and then he’d start humming “Blue” and then we… Well, we’d keep going, probably. But we’d be really upset about it. 

And he would like you to know that, while he is making panty gravy with another man’s wife, his two young sons are foremost in his mind.

What a hero:

From the outset I have made a conscious decision to try and keep this matter private and not discuss it in the press. While my wife and I are dissolving our marriage, we will work together to parent our two children. I love my boys very much. I want only the best for them and am committed to being a devoted father.

I will continue to be respectful and sensitive to this issue by not doing interviews about this ongoing private matter. I wish everyone would do the same.

Request denied. In fact, Eddie, you’re on our list of Hottest Dudes We Wouldn’t Want to Touch. SO THERE:

7. Eddie Cibrian

God, look at him here. So smug. But not only is Eddie a cheater, he’s a cheater who cheated with LeAnn Rimes. And you know how there are some celebrities who have just, for no discernible reason, never sat well with you? LeAnn is one of those. And it’s kind of a weird hurdle to get over the fact that someone has slept with people whose appeal you do not understand. Or starred in a Lifetime movie.

6. Levi Johnston

This is a tough one. On the one hand: Levi is not the sharpest tool at a Tool concert. On the other hand: Who cares? But he has his own name tattooed onto his person! But we are kind of turned on by that. Levi, you make us hate ourselves. And since we’d probably die (mid-coitus) of self-loathing, baby, we could just never be.

5. Mario Lopez

Oh Mario. He is just like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese we had last night after eating healthfully for about a week and a half: Hot and delicious, but cheesy and instantly regrettable.

4. John Mayer

As if totally oversharing every aspect of his relationships wasn’t enough of a turn-off, we would be so terrified of his O face that we’d either laugh or die.
3. Pee Wee

Pee Wee is adorable, but he looks perpetually eight years old. Although. He does make an oddly appealing baby dyke in this particular photo.

2. Alberto Cutíe

No. We’d be suspicious our dates were being surreptitiously filmed and that we’d appear in some wonky, awkward pose on an upcoming episode of La Tijera.

1. Chris Brown

Nothing turns a she-boner into a bellybutton quite like domestic abuse. Which is a shame, because, at one point, we really wanted nothing than to grab a soft-serve on a pier with Chris. Maybe while wearing his-and-hers rainbow hoodies. Sigh.

EDDIE CIBRIAN OPENS UP ABOUT DIVORCE [ET]