Jennifer Lopez Hosts Dinner For Sonia Sotomayor. Do Not Expect An Evite.
18 August 2009, 1:41 PM. By Alex Alvarez
Jennifer Lopez, mother, actress, singer, dancer, entrepreneur and bride of Xenu, can now add “rich person who hosts events for politicians” to her extensive and impressive resumé. Lopez hosted an “intimate dinner” honoring Justice Sonia Sotomayor at her Long Island home. About a dozen or so political types were said to have attended.
The dinner was preceded by a cocktail hour and finished off with Marc Anthony leaping onto the dinner table, the greenish sheen of his flesh spackled with bits of frothy saliva and Madre’s special mofongo recipe, and tearing off a piece out of some poor comptroller’s throat.
Lopez and Sotomayor, you recall, share a special connection in that they are practically the same person. Lopez’s name was among several thrown out as the media discussed which tan Latina who did not even vaguely resemble Sotomayor would go on to play her in a biopic in which she falls in love with Matthew McConaughey or a Wilson brother.
We’re sure our invitation to the event merely got lost in the mail, especially since there ’s no way Jennifer could have sent us an Evite about it. By her own admission, Lopez is terrible when it comes to using computers:
I’m terrible with computers. I never go near one. I don’t like them. I know how to enter the system so that I never have to go on the internet.
What? We’ve never understood people who have professed to FAIL at teh interwebs. You just kind of… log on and there you are. There’s nothing you really have to do beyond that but grab a jar of mayo (or djionnaise, if you must) and go for it.
We asked Ms. Lopez for comment, via email just to test things out, and she responded thusly:
Jennifer.Lopez to me
Knave. I know how to use a computer. Jennifer Lopez knows how to do everything. I can and do use the internet on a daily if not secondly basis. In fact, I invented the internet. (Al Gore can caca on his own face for all I care. That man is a liar. And he didn’t even show up to my dinner.)
I am sorry that I could not invite you to my intimate gathering of all the greatest political minds in the world, but I kind of hate you. Why are you so hard on my husband? HE IS FINE. Some might say he is even FOINE. He is a fine-ass sexy ferret of a man and I will not have you badmouth him with your opinions and your stupid chismes. B-) X-(
Really yours,
LA JENNY
See? She can do anything.
JENNIFER LOPEZ HOSTS SUPREME DINNER FOR SONIA SOTOMAYOR [Gossip Cop]
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what in the world could they have to talk about? cause you know it has to be around j.lo and her “accomplishments.” maybe sotomayor needs to read a brief discussing the legal arguments brought up in enough, the wedding planner and selena.
more importantly…what will they eat?
I believe the menu was BRAAAIIIINZ. Con gandules.
ahhh if I had a dollar for every time that j-no will remind everyone she’s from the Bronx, I’d be as rich as…….well j-no
Wait, so Sonia Sotomayor wasn’t actually at the dinner, right? She wouldn’t go to something like that, right? RIGHT? Do we know who actually attended? I wonder if any actually prominent NY Latino politicos were there–it’d be fun if some of the Albany Latin mafia was there– maybe state senators Pedro Espada & Ruben Diaz, maybe the Bronx Borough President, maybe disgraced City councilman–and major Heights hottie–Miguel Martinez, or maybe even Nydia Velazquez? Who knows. I’d be surprised if any actual elected officials with actual responsibilities were there. Hangning out with JLo at her LI manse might not be the smartest thing for them to do, right?
So far all I can gather is that “both camps (Jen’s and Sotomayor’s) are remaining mum.” I mean… I would think tying yourself to a celebrity pretty much known for being out of touch with reality is a bad move. But, then again, that hasn’t stopped various politicians from doing so.