6 Reasons Why Lindsay Lohan Should Not Be In MACHETE. Plus: Pics From The Set.

Behold: The first photos of Lindsay Lohan on the set of MACHETE. When we first heard about the possibility that she’d be involved in the movie, we were apprehensive, and a little nauseous, and then we spontaneously developed hemorrhoids. Now that we see her at work on the set in Austin, we feel pretty good knowing our response was totally appropriate.

6. She’s Distracting

Lindsay Lohan cannot be in a movie without it being a Lindsay Lohan Movie. This is partly due to the fact that she’s mostly taken starring roles in movies that act as a vehicle to further her fame (and, to a much, much lesser extent, her career), and mostly due to the fact that she is prone to doing crazy shit on set. Which brings us to…

5. She’s a Liability

You might recall that Lindsay was severely chastised by the producers of her film Georgia Rule for consistently showing up late or failing to show up at all because she was suffering from “exhaustion” (hangovers). It’s not far-fetched to worry that she will eventually vomit in Danny Trejo’s hair or accidentally drive an SUV through the set while wearing someone else’s coke-filled pants.

4. She Makes Rodriguez Look Kind Of Desperate, No Offense

The choice to cast Lindsay Lohan in this movie makes it appear that director Robert Rodriguez might be a little worried that, without a big, stupid name attached, his movie will crash and burn in theaters. 

3. She’s, Um. Not Quite What She Used To Be

Guys, she looks a hot mess. Straight up. We’re not sure how to say that in a nice way. She looks tired and haggard and unfed and drained and unwashed and like she doesn’t fucking now how to either be ok in her skin or at least apply tanner evenly. Her nude bandeau top makes us assume she’ll appear in a topless scene. Let’s offer a similar sort of scene from the MACHETE trailer for purposes of comparison. Here’s Lindsay, who will likely play the Senator’s daughter:

And here are some ladies from the trailer (shut up) and their tetas:

You know?

2. Have You Learned Nothing From Rose McGowan?

Dude, Robert. We swear that if you fall boots over cowboy hat for this girl and begin to talk about casting her in one million future projects, we will seriously never shell out money to watch one of your movies again. 

1. Her Hair Is No Longer Red, And For This She Will Be Punished

Seriously.

Click Below to See More Photos of Lindsay Lohan on the Set of

MACHETE