Pee Wee: “I Didn’t Say I Had Sex!”

Calm down, everyone. Our favorite wee pea is still pure, virginal and intact. Upon hearing the story that he had boasted about losing his virginity “to a woman,” Pee Wee immediately set the record straight by saying he would never announce such a thing so publicly. Because it is very tacky and inappropriate to discuss one’s sex life with the press.

We’ve said it again and we’ve said it before: We highly suspect Pee Wee’s declarations of virginity, not unlike those of mainstream Anglo pop stars, is a carefully thought-out marketing ploy in order to attract young, female fans who won’t be threatened by his raw, burning sensuality. 

Besides, being a virgin is totally a plus when it comes to (possibly) promoting a reality dating series. (Please, TV Gods, let this show happen. And let Daisy de la Hoya make a cameo.)

But, because we’re obsessed with Pee Wee’s wee pee, we will totally let you know the moment he decides to change his image, go all Hot Topic, have sex with groupies and get a Prince Albert.