Machete-Wielding Victor Hernandez Receives Lesser Sentence After Being Confused With Some Other Minority Dude

Hey, you know what’s awesome? Being a machete-wielding psychopathic maniac who actually profits from people not being able to tell non-white people apart. Also: Cupcakes. 

Victor Hernandez was poised to spend seven years in prison after slashing two men in a Williamsburg restauarant back in January of 2008, robbing a man in a Bushwick store before nearly blinding him with glass after throwing a bottle at a windowpane, chasing two teenagers into the subway with a cane before stealing their backpacks and, finally, stealing a cell phone from a 16-year-old. You know. Kid stuff. But when lawyer Joseph Santo (also a Latino, possibly?) was asked to point out his client in court, he mistakingly asked Hernandez to step forward. His actual client, 19-year-old Antoine Dick, is a thin black, non-Latino man with short hair who was arrested for stealing a purse. The Fake Dick, Hernandez, was sentenced to five years probation. We suppose this would make him the dildo in this situation.

Hernandez, who does not speak English fluently, only understood that he’d received a much lighter sentence than expected and was “happy.” 

The mistake was soon uncovered and remedied. Santo explained the mix-up:

I’ve only met Mr. Dick half a dozen times. [Ed. note: You stop laughing. God, you are so immature.] I thought he’d grown his hair out.

I see as many as 40 clients in a week. I don’t remember their faces all the time.

Or maybe all brown-skinned men sort of begin to blur together at some point? We can see mixing up someone’s identity after maybe only seeing the person a couple of times. But six times? Come on. This is your client! Not some rando, like a hook-up buddy or something.

One particularly interesting element to this story is how the post describes Victor as Latino and Dick as black as if there is no chance that either man could possibly have been both these things. At any rate: How embarrassing. 

‘LUCKY’ ROBBER GETS LESSER SENTENCE THANKS TO MISTAKEN IDENTITY [NY Post]