Watch The Real World Cancun Ep. 9 And Feel The Intelligence Leave Your Body

We don’t condone the watching of Real World Cancun Episode 9. It ranks somewhere between giving ourselves a homemade Brazilian wax and cleaning the shit from our cat’s eyes. But, for better or worse, it’s a popular show. In this episode, Bronne is more bored with the show than we are and decides to perform ridiculous pranks all over the house. We remember being this bored in our 20’s and we’re actually glad we don’t have this kind of time on our hands anymore. Sure we’re breaking out in cold sores from the stress of running a blog network during a publishing crisis, but at least we’re not so bored that we’re taping boxes of styrofoam peanuts to the ceiling for the “big pay-off” of having them rain down on our roommates’ heads. (At least we don’t have roommates, either.)

Meanwhile, Jasmine is pining over some dude she met named Pat. But lately, Pat is flirting a lot with her roommate Jonne. What a slut.

Back at the ranch, Bronne has moved on to bigger and stupider pranks that include throwing a fire extinguisher off of his balcony into the swimming pool–which gets him thrown out of the luxury ME Hotel by the manager. Burn. (Ha! Ironic.) He has to go live in some regular hotel that his employer, The Spoiled American Retards Taking Spring Break Jobs From Mexicans Company, provides its employees. What they shoulda done was made his ass go live in a shack on the outskirts of Cancun. That would have been some Real World experience.

Pat’s cousin JR, who Jasmine has been flirting with to make Pat jealous, randomly shows up to talk about his boners with Jasmine and Derek–the gay. Derek is revolted, but it’s like Spanish Fly to Jasmine who finally decides to get it on with JR after days of sitting in his lap and squirming around like a bitch in heat. When they’re finally alone, JR takes off his tshirt, says, “Let’s do this, bitch!” and wraps it around her neck like he’s going to strangle her. Romantic.

Over at Bronne’s new shithole, Derek the gay and Bronne hang out and talk about how much Bronne misses the hotel and Derek thinks about how much he misses having Bronne showering in the communal showers. All’s well that ends well.