ALMA Awards Liveblog
18 September 2009, 7:57 PM. By Alex Alvarez
Hi everyone! It’s Friday night. I’m in my apartment with my roommate’s cat and an eight ball various nutritious snacks and I am omgsoready not to laugh at George Lopez’s jokes. Who’s with me?
- She Wolf! Awoooooo! I love how the audience is doing the “raise your arms” dance I always do when drunk.
- Is she humping a liberator? What do you suppose gringos think of this? They’re not supposed to know we dress in sequined leotards while humping sex aids.
- Jesse Metcalfe? He’s not a Latino, but he played one on TV. I hope Jenni Rivera shanks him at some point.
- Wise-ass Latino? Total dad joke, George. The Lou Dobbs joke made me chuckle though.
- God. I officially have a crush on Pitbull. I am filled with self-loathing.
- Joaquin Phoenix is Latino now? Oh, hey. Hi John Leguizamo.
- My Snapple tastes like gin. I’m confused and delighted. Expect lots of Latinized commercials to tug at your heartstrings and your wallets.
- Please don’t tell me Latinos are in any way responsible for the Twilight movies.
- Not even Roselyn Sanchez’s boobs can distract from Cristian de la Fuente’s hotness. Nice try though, Ros. Bold effort.
- Hey. Did you know Latinos play sports? You can’t hide from us, Tony Romo. We’re inviting you to noche buena and feeding you third helpings of tamales whether you like it or not.
- Oscar de la Hoya is so cute. He works with babies! He wears skinny ties! He’s got an adorable family! He’s a great boxer! He gives rambling acceptance speeches! He looks great in heels!
- After the commercial break: DAVID ARCHULETA! Hey, ok. I’m aware that no one’s commented yet. I’m the only one at home on a Friday night, huh? Whoa. In this Bud Light commercial, the dude (Latino, natch) pulls a card out of this woman’s butt pocket. Whatever. Dudes who drink Bud Light don’t get laid. I’m not fooled. I don’t care for your sexism and lies, BUDWEISER.
- Twitter informs me that laroncha is making electric lemonade and passion fruit mojitos.
- DAVID ARCHULETA!!! Hold on to your panties, everyone.
- This song is legitimately beautiful and David’s hitting it out of the park. Well done, David.
- Of course Mario Lopez is presenting the “Fashion Icon Award.” And of course Eva Longoria is a nominee. Jessica Alba won but obviously didn’t attend the show.
- I find Efrain Ramirez so likable. I’d vote for him.
- George Lopez! Sayin’ stuff, makin’ Selena Gomez laugh. My (non-Latina) roommate is home and I wonder what she thinks of George’s jokes. So far it’s all funny-cuz-maybe-they’re-true stereotypes.
- Antonio Banderas: Latino? I’ll leave that for you all to answer. All I know is he’s aging really well.
- Anthony Quinn’s son is HOT.
- Salma’s winning the Anthony Quinn Award for Industry Excellence. Aw, she’s tearing up! I love that she mentioned her early career in Mexican telenovelas when addressing her fans. She’s pretty wonderful.
- I am so fucking psyched for Pitbull. I am so sorry.
- Jenni Rivera is wearing a necklace for her boobs. I don’t know how else to explain it.
- I don’t know who this fetus child is but he looks like a young Rob Lowe and I feel dirty. [Update: His name is Jake T. Austin and he's 14. Jesus Christ.]
- Selena Gomez just won for Best Actress in a Comedy series and she looks beautiful. Best dress of the evening. I want her earrings.
- Kat Von D did the intro for Pitbull. I think I had an orgasm or seven.
- I want a sparkly bra like Pitbull’s background dancers’! I’m so pissed Selena’s store closed.
- That’s right, you best give him a standing ovation. I think I frightened my roommate with my raw unbridled Cubanosity.
- Commercial time: Is anyone else intrigued by the show Modern Family?
- Soledad O’Brien introduced Michelle Obama, who is clearly reading from a teleprompter. She’s talking about the launch of Servir.gov - a site aimed at getting Latinos to do community service.
- Janet Murguia of the NCLR is urging you to get involved in the arts. Or your community? I am so distracted by her hair. Latinos and hair gel: A travesty with no end in sight.
- Jimmy Smits has introduced Raul Yzaquirre, who won an award for his commitment to community service. Basque names representin.’
- Go away, Jesse Metcalfe. I know your boxers are Ed Hardy. I can feel it.
- Bejamin Brat won for Best Actor in a Dramatic Series for The Cleaner. He’s not wearing a tie. This is a pet peeve of mine. But he wants to be a rapper “like Pitbull.” So I’ll forgive him.
- Haha! They gave a little teaser for Nelly Furtado and showed her backstage get felt up by some wardrobe assistant or somesuch. There are probably worse jobs than being Nelly Furtado’s fluffer.
- I’m really tired of George’s jokes. Yes, haha, Latinos are violent and poor and lazy.
- Nelly Furtado takes the stage, boobs fluffed and ready to go.
- Rita Moreno is probably the hottest thing about this show. Her hairstyle is kind of like Kate Gosselin’s on steroids. Or mofongo.
- Jesus Christ, Ricardo Montalban was hot. Also: I need to add A Latin from Staten Island to my queue immediately.
- This is so wrong and ironic, but I’m desperately craving Taco Bell right now.
- Rainn Wilson? Speaking Spanish? I’m intrigued.
- Oscar Nuñez’s character on The Office is Cuban? I never knew that! I’m so glad he won for Best Comedy Actor because he is hilarious. Best joke of the evening: “I want to let Taylor Swift come down and finish her speech.”
- Who is this guy? “For the record, I’ve love to be slapped by any of these women.” For the record, none of them want to touch you. [Update: He's James Roday from Psych. And he probably wears Ed Hardy, too.]
- Lauren Velez won for Best Dramatic Actress. Michelle Rodriguez was robbed. ROBBED.
- Using Carlos Mencia in an NCLR PSA makes me want to turn the TV off and not watch this anymore. Just, you know. For the record.
- Oh, Sean Kingston sings this song. Calling 911 because shawty is starting up a fire on the dancefloor is irresponsible unless shawty is actually an arsonist and you’re not using the phrase figuratively.
- Yeah, of course I have to have server issues right at the end of this. Anyway: Relatively painless. I was aroused, intrigued, entertained, offended and bored at different points during this show. And I only had to look at Carlos Mencia’s face once. I call that a success.
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I’m with ya, She-Alex. I dont know if they’re showing the almas out here right now tho. Hey, but I’ve got a spoiler, they’re called the latin oscars! Ask John Leguizamo. Oh yeah, and he wins the latin oscar for best actor. I’m drinking watermelon infused vodka and wishing I had a bump off your eightball.
I’m with ya, too!
And Shakira should know that the only wolf in my closet is of this variety: http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Mens-Three-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A (The comments alone are worth it!)
I didn’t know Oscar de la Hoya sponsored a Neonatal ICU. Aww!!
thanks for the shout out Alex.. but yeah if anyone is in the woodpile.. come by I’ve got plenty of alcohol!
um what is pitbull doing?
Nothing yet. They keep teasing me by mentioning he’s coming up.
Pitbull says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nKMB5KVPks
thanks now that song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the night.
hottie!!!!!!! i’m going to jail
i see what he’s trying to do but that look is not working
Totally didn’t know Jamie Lynn-Sigler was Latina.
Futuristic Spanish rap AT&T ad makes me hate that company more.
I was doing the TiVo single-click fast forward through the commercials and still managed to be annoyed by that AT&T one.
Selena Gomez looks lovely. Wait, did she just thank the NCLR-A?
wait benjamin bratt wants to be a rapper?
i wonder how much wardrobe fluffers make..
I think I just saw Nelly Furtado’s Spanx through that painted on dress! Oh, and that NCLR commerical about voting had the worst up-close camera angle. Everyone looked wonky-eyed.
ugh that song is so annoying… shit how long is this show??
I HOPE ONE DAY ALL AMERICANS GET TO KNOW THAT COLON WAS THE HITLER OF THE 15TH/16TH CENTURY………
SO MEXICAN IMMIGRANTS WOULD REALIZE THAT THEY SHOULD REALLY REMEMBER THEIR HOLOCAUST AND NOT CELEBRATE ANY LATIN BROTHERHOOD….SOMETHING THAT IT’S NOT REAL AND IT’S CREATED FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES SO PEOPLE LIKE JLO CAN GET RICH DOING CRAP MUSIC…….
AND IF YOU WANT TO BE LOYAL TO YOUR ROOTS SPEAK MAYA NOT SPANISH………WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m deleting your comments because you’re leaving the same shit under different posts and I’m considering that trolling. Also: Welcome to the internet. All caps = aggression. Don’t do this.
Also you’re retarded cuz Colon had nothing to do with Mexico, that was Cortez. And Latino is a broader identity than just Mexican-American, and also Mayan is not the only indigenous language of Mexico.
No offense, you basically just suck.
Fuck, I missed this. What day is it today? I have to start counting the days until I get to see the Jude Law Hamlet on the 26th, so I won’t forget. I have to stop doing shit like that. Still more lucid than all-caps-McGee over there.
A must see video of David Archuleta singing Contigo en la distancia at ALMA Awards. I dare you to watch it in full view, ha, ha, FYI, He will be 19 yrs. old this Dec, BTW he has a Christmas Album coming out Oct. 13, “Christmas from the Heart”… “-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZN7hBq7bBo
That was good. Didn’t Christina Aguilera record this song as well?
I agree–David Archuleta was BRILLIANT and HOT!!
for me pitbull’s appeal is the same as justin timberlakes…so confident yet goofy at the same time…very hot …but he’d probably get annoying after a while…