Estory Time: Captioning America Ferrera’s Photos From Her Latina Spread

As you know, America Ferrera is the latest cover model for Latina magazine. And, of course, she looks phenomenal. Girls got pretty skin and nice bone structure, y’know, even though they’re usually so cleverly hidden by a pair of glasses. 

The pictures inside the magazine are really lovely, but they seem to be trying to tell us something. To show what we mean, we’ve gone ahead and captioned her photo spread. Check it out:

What a jerk. “No, it’ll be fine. My neighborhood gets a bad rep, but it’s really very nice. You can take the bus to work in the morning! It’s so safe.” Liar. And I had just enough Miller High Lifes to believe him. I hope no one can tell I’m rocking morning after hair, didn’t put on deodorant and am hopelessly lost. 

Shit. Where’s the bus? Why is no one else taking the bus? Is that a crack house? Oh my God, it is. Where are my keys? I lost my phone. Oh, haha. Like the song. Is this a blister? Jesus.

I think I’ll just rest here on this rock until the bus comes. And magically change my dress into a new one. I am so hungover. Who is Yamz? Uh, I’m going to hurl into my hair. I am NEVER drinking again.

Ok. Ready for work. I only mildly reek of old roast beef and stale beer, but I’ll just spray myself with the receptionist’s Lysol when I get to the office. Lord. She’s going to look me up and down and know these aren’t my underwear. And that I have a rash. Well, judge away, NANCY. Which one of us got laid, huh? Ow, my head. I’m never hanging out with these people again.

Her actual interview, of course, was slightly less immature than all this. She discussed, among other things, her support for Hillary Clinton and her feud with Lindsay Lohan. So, things we’ve learned today: America Ferrera was supposedly rumored to have a feud with Lindsay Lohan. And Nancy the receptionist is judgmental.