Kate Hudson & Alex Rodriguez Move In Together Despite His Fear Of White Roses. We Have Some Advice.

According to In Touch, Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are already living together despite only having dated for about five months. Badideaville and you assholes are the mayors! 

According to the magazine:

“Kate’s always at his New York apartment, even on the days when he’s on the road. She’s made herself quite comfortable in his life. She’s met his oldest daughter and her son likes Alex,” says a friend of Alex, 34, who has two kids with ex-wife Cynthia and has already hung out with Kate’s 5-year-old, Ryder. “Kate has become very serious about him.”

And it gets worse:

And she’s ready for the next step as well: Even though the couple has only been dating for five months, Kate, 30, is hearing wedding bells. “Kate seems to feel that she’s the next Mrs. Rodriguez,” adds the insider. “But it’s unlikely that it’s headed toward marriage for him. He’s taking it slow and seeing where it goes.”

In related news, Us Weekly had an interesting little item about how the veiny, clattering ghost of Madonna is still haunting poor Alex. Apparently, throughout their relationship, Alex would send Madonna 50 white roses twice a week. He’s now said to be “scarred” by the memory and can’t stand the site of the flower. 

Should we pitch in to get the happy couple a big bouquet as a housewarming gift? 

Oh, we kid. We want them to be happy and joyful and get married so we can cackle from our dark tower when they finally and inevitably cheat on one another with a fellow C-lister. So here’s some advice, from us, on how to successfully go about living with your S.O:

• Try to keep pet names and baby talk to a minimum. You’re going into this as two adults, not two teenagers in puppy love. Refrain especially from referring to your mate as my “cute widdle bitchtits.”
• Don’t sing “Celebration” in the shower. 
• There will be no mention of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The same goes for Dr. T and the Woman, You, Me and Dupree, Fool’s Gold or My Best Friend’s Girl. On second thought, let’s just pretend Almost Famous is the only movie Kate’s ever made.
• No faux British accents allowed in the apartment.
• Build one another up. Make sure to compliment your S.O. at least once a day. And absolutely no encouraging them to bulk up, put on a bikini and pose awkwardly in front of a fountain. 

Hope this helps!