Alex Rodriguez To Kate Hudson: Ay! Slow Down.

Alex Rodriguez has apparently begun to tire of his whirlwind romance with famousperson Kate Hudson. The two were lunching at Serafina restaurant in Manhattan with her five-year-old son, Huntyr Flyer Racyr Gophyr Ryder, when he began whining about their relationship.

The conversation went a lil’ somethin’ like this:

K-Hud: Alex. In this country, we don’t eat pasta with our feet. Tyger, don’t you ever do that, ok? Don’t do like Uncle Alex.

Ryder: Bitch tits over here ain’t my uncle. 

A-Rod: Grrrrggggllll!

K-Hud: Alex, honey, could you pass the pepper? These ravioli is so bland. I feel like I’m tossing Owen Wilson’s salad again.

A-Rod: Grrrfffllll! WANT MEAT. Grrrfff.

K-Hud: Oh, so I’m reading the script for this AWESOMELY RADTASTIC rom com. It’s called Love Probably, co-starring Matt McConaughey. We play two former high school classmates who meet up at our 15 year reunion and…

A-Rod: FFrrrrgggguppp! A-Rod hungry!

K-Hud: No giant wooden clubs at the table, Alex. You know the rules. And no interrupting. So, as I was saying…

A-Rod: Look, Kate. This relationship isn’t working for me. It’s moving much, much too quickly. I mean, I only just got divorced from Cynthia a year ago. I’ve got work, my kids. And here you are all wanting my sperm and moving in with me. There’s just too much on my plate right now, plus you can’t even beat me at arm wrestling. I think it’s best if we take a break. 

Kate Hudson apparently began crying at the restaurant, prompting Alex to roll his eyes in front of onlookers. What a gem. Everyone knows the best moment to break things off with your girlfriend is not at a restaurant mid-lunch in front of her child, but ideally as she’s giving birth. Step up your game, A-Rod.

I Can’t Do This Anymore [In Touch, print]