Brujería: Which Of His Ex-Girlfriends Cast A Witch’s Spell On Cristiano Ronaldo?

Oh my God... It's GONE!

Cristiano Ronaldo, soccer player and internationally renowned collar popper, is under a spell. And here we thought his behavior could be chalked up to his being European. 

According to Pepe el Brujo, a spicy warlock who specializes in meddling in the personal lives of famous and vaguely orange athletes, a rich woman paid him to cast a spell on Ronaldo that would injure him to the point that he’d have to retire from playing soccer. Pepe says he charged the mystery woman 30 thousand Euros - that’s just a little over $44,000 USD - to carry out the spell.

Ronaldo hasn’t exactly been playing spectacularly lately and he did recently sustain an injury, albeit not one serious enough to put him out of commission. 

So who could have done this? Some say, probably with good reason, that one of his many ex-girlfriends is likely behind the spell. There are also a few other possibilities, however:

• Paris Hilton’s crustacean friends.
• The 17-year-old girl whose car he beat up.
• Juliano Belleti - Cristiano Ronaldo’s rival and the brother of some girl he rubbed sequins with.
• His nipples, for his crimes against them by wearing skin-tight translucent tops. Chafing is no one’s friend.

Who do you think it could be?

Cristiano Ronaldo victima de brujerias-sera Paris Hilton Nereida Gallardo o Nuria Bermudez? [En El Brasero]