Celebrities Show Us The Top Five Things To Keep In Mind When Selecting Your Halloween Costume

Celebrities are often looked to as a means of gauging what is in style, as they have access to designer clothing and accessories and technology that the rest of us can only either dream of or write about derisively for work. So why not turn to celebrities (and we use this term very, very loosely) to show us plebes what to avoid this Halloween? Consider this a PSA, children, because we love you:

The Lesson: Do be age appropriate.
The Example: Noah Cyrus, younger sister of Miley.

Noah, age 9, showed up at Jamie Lee Curtis’ Halloween party because 1) her father would likely make her show up to the opening of an eye and 2) she wanted to achey-break our friggin’ minds. We’re not quite sure where one can purchase provocative emo wench costumes or dominatrix boots in womb ferret sizes but, should you happen to come across such clothing, please 1) wipe it off and 2) walk away. This should never, ever happen again.

The Lesson: Try not to insult others’ religions in your ongoing attempts to quench your insatiable thirst for attention.The Example: Heidi Klum as Kali.

Heidi Klum is known as much for her penchant for dressing up as she is for being a vaguely irritating television personality and sometime model. In 2008, she decided to dress as Kali, the Indian goddess of time and change. The decision was denounced by several Hindu groups, who saw Heidi’s costume as being the result of either extreme, willful ignorance of their religion, or of being oblivious to the fact that this particular deity is not to be emulated for play:

Goddess Kali is highly revered in Hinduism and she is meant to be worshipped in temples and not to be used in clubs for publicity stunts or thrown around loosely for dramatic effects.

So perhaps one should look into other costume ideas this year besides “Plum-Smuggling Priest” or “Look! I’m A Rabbi.” Sure, haha, social commentary and all, but, besides often being needlessly offensive and disrespectful, these costumes are more than a little played out. In fact, the only vaguely religious costume we’ve personally found to be creative was “A Jew for Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.” Win.

The Lesson: Jennifer Lopez is always fair game.

The Example: Trey Parker, South Park creator.

Yes, this is really old. But it’s still one of our favorite costumes that ever was or will be.

The Lesson: Don’t be the token Latina on an early morning news show.

The Example: Today Show contributor Natalie Morales.

So Al Roker gets to be Walter Mercado, Matt Lauer gets all the laughs as Perez Hilton, and poor little Natalie Morales gets the shaft having to dress up as Pee Wee? Life is unfair.

The Lesson: Don’t be Perez Hilton

The Example: Perez Hilton

You frighten us enough.