Modern Family Recap: Episode 4

So in this, the latest episode of the masterpiece that is Tyler Perry’s Modern Family, we got to meet Mitchell and Claire’s mother (See? We remembered their names!), who is a person with many, many White Problems™ and quite a few White Solutions, like doing something having to do with some vortex (named Chaz?) in Sedona.

Crazy Mama is played by the always delightful Shelley Long:

But enough about white people! Let’s get to making fun of some Colombians. Crazy Mama was in town because she wanted to get over “The Incident” - a drunken tirade she unleashed during Gloria’s wedding after drinking a few too many “Horny Colombians.” Not literally, of course. Because, after all, who would sip of a man who pats the backsides of white women as part of a “Colombian wedding tradition?”

Oh well. At least they’re having fun in their traditional Colombian bolo ties:

During The Incident, Crazy Mama refers to Gloria as “Charo” and then unleashes a series of “Ay ay ay’s” as she is forcibly carried out of the banquet hall. 

Gloria is furious, naturally, because this is the second wedding she’s had that’s been ruined. The first time, the judge that married Gloria and JAVIER THE LATINO in Colombia was promptly assassinated. Another time-honored Colombian tradition. 

Manny, meanwhile, was hazed during a slumber party. We assume this is Sharpie and not some other substance. The facial hair is actually quite a good look for him, although we can’t quite place where we’ve seen this particular look before. Hmm.

Cool Dad has a funny little scene where he described his “Peerenting” style - talkin’ ’bout malt shops and other bitchin’ shizznit that the cool cats are all into these days. 

Manny, prompted by his stepfather to seek retribution for the Dirty Sanchez unceremoniously planted onto his little face by his peers, set one of his attacker’s bicycle on fire. It was glorious.

Crazy Mama begged mama’s boy Mitchell to set up a meeting with Gloria so she could apologize for her behavior at the wedding in an effort to connect sexually with her new piece. Or something. Gloria, although initially upset that Crazy Mama had shown up again, forgave her for The Incident. Which prompted Crazy Mama to lunge at Gloria. Mrrrrraaawr! LADYFIGHT! Ayayayay!

Because only one of Claire and Cool Dad’s two daughters can make it onto any given episode, this was Hot Daughter’s turn. She had invited her boyfriend, Skinny White Boy, to dinner, where he gave a speech about familial love straight out of the last three minutes of any Full House episode. Then he launched into a song about totally doin’ it. 

The episode ended on a somewhat cute note, with different family members singing along to the Doin’ It Song. Our personal favorite scene was this one, below, simply because shared domestic morning routines make us feel all happy and cozy inside:

The show is doing more to mesh the three different family units together into one more or less cohesive major story line, but we still find the writing a little lackluster, especially where depictions of Latinos are concerned. It’s one thing to make a joke about xenophobia that places the teller of the joke as the actual punchline for being oblivious and ignorant (”A room full of waiters and no one will take a drink order.”), and quite another to continually joke about Latinos as ignorant people who fall back on emotions and superstition over intellect and reason. Plus, it often feels like the writers don’t know what to do with certain characters and sort of leave them teetering around like props or background for most of an episode. 

Sigh. Can’t Mitchell and Cam adopt Manny and have their own spin-off?