Halloween Costume Ideas By Guanabee! You Need Them, We Got Them

Unless you're going for Christina Aguilera's recent getup, don't wait until the last minute to put together your Halloween costume because YOU KNOW it's gonna look tragic, uninspired and lazy. If you're a girl, don't dress up as "sexy" anything (cop, nurse, nun) because, really, how fucking tedious and played-out is that? Or do you really want to be the 20th hoochie betty bo peep at the party? No, you don't. And Guys, you can do better than a pirate, drag queen or a Jersey Shore cast member. It really doesn't take that much effort to be original.

Here, I'll show you:

1) Walter Mercado

This idea is so obvious, yet, I've never seen anybody do it. Not only that, if your white friends don't know who Walter Mercado is, just say you're Liberace! Because, really, they're basically the same person.

If you're blond and have short hair, half the outfit is already there. Next you'll need to get a pimp costume that comes with a cape and, hopefully, lots of rings -- but don't use necklaces! Walter wears brooches because she a klassy bitch, so you'll need to get one of them, too. Two more things and you're done: women's silk pajamas -- flowered prints will look especially great -- and makeup; heavy foundation, drawn-on eyebrows, and pink lipstick. Put it all together and PRESTO! You're now Walter Mercado.

Sorry, not Walter, Shanti Ananda!

2) Pre-1995 Gloria Trevi

I'm specifically suggesting pre-1995 Gloria Trevi because nowadays she looks like Paulina Rubio. Also, dressing up as pre-1995 Gloria Trevi is super, SUPER easy. I picked one of Gloria's crazier outfits in this picture to your right (she looks like an acid-dropping, Big Bird-raping hippie), but all you really need are some cut-off shorts, black boots -- or any zapatos viejos (OMG I totally said it!) -- ripped stockings, a fucked up teased wig, any shirt and that's it.

Oh and staying in pre-1995 Gloria Trevi character will also be easy. Just do this: walk into a party, roll around the floor and constantly scream "¡RAAAAZAAAA!," find an underage prostitution ring (look in the garage), join it, and *KABLAM!* Everybody there will assume the real Gloria Trevi is walking amongst them.

3) Chuntarito With Botas Picudas

If you're planning on doing this costume right, it's going to cost real money because I hear the real botas picudas cost from $100 to $200. If you're planning on doing the costume even more chuntaro than the guys to left, take cues from this guy and, assuming you have the rest of the outfit, you'll spend nothing more than the cost of electrical tape.

Plus, as of right now, this particular look is very fresh and "in" since it barely became a thing less than a year ago. You can also make a chuntaro gang with more friends and attempt to choreograph the dance.

4) La Tigresa Del Oriente Or Wendy Sulca

Do I really have to explain these costumes? No, La Tigresa Del Oriente and Wendy Sulca are fucking awesome, they need no explanation.

Looking like La Tigresa Del Oriente isn't very hard. I know I said not to do anything "sexy" but you know what? For Juana Judith Bustos Ahuite we're going to make an exception. Simply mix a cheap slutty cat costume with a hooker's outfit and you'll be ready to stay up partying until un nuevo amanecer.

Wendy, on the other hand, is trickier because her authentic, finely embroidered Peruvian dresses are more difficult to replicate. If you do a half-ass job, you'll end up looking like these tragedies over here and you totally don't want that. Here's my advice: show your abuelita a high-res photo of one of Wendy's outfits and put her to work starting this week. If she needs convincing, promise her you'll take her to see Jose Jose whenever he's in town and hope, just hope that she'll forget about said promise because these days Jose Jose sings worse than the belching cat (Youtube it).

5) Anton Chigurh From No Country For Old Men

Yes, it's from 2007 but you know what? I've never seen one single person dressed as Anton Chigurh besides Javier Bardem. I'm sure somebody somewhere has done it -- but I've never seen them.

Anton Chigurh is an extremely memorable character which is why he works great as a costume. Plus you probably have his outfit in your closet right now! All you're going to need is a wig, a gas tank with a hose (again, your abuela can probs help you with this one), and, if you're hardcore, a shotgun with a silencer. 

Done.

6) Topo Gigio — For Kids And Adults

Topo Gigio is another fun and fresh costume. When have you seen anybody dress up as this lovable mouse? Not never! He's retro-cool and, more importantly, easy.

Topo wears all kinds of outfits but most people remember him in his nighty. Anything will work, but what really matters is above the neckline and for that all you'll have to dig up them old Micky Mouse ears you got at Disneyland. First, paint those suckers whatever color your skin happens to be. Once dry, put a blond friar wig over the repurposed Micky ears, buy some fake mouse teeth on ebay or any Halloween store, draw whiskers on your face and that's it -- you're now Topo Gigio! And remember to imitate his cute Argentinean accent.

Got anymore ideas, kids? Comment!