Awesomely Sensual Middle-Aged Lady Selling Miracle Hand Cream On Infomercial Changes My Life

I've always dreamed of being a hot, middle-aged, cougar-tastic lady who spends her time hanging out by water fountains selling miracle hand creams while wearing retina-burning dresses in the middle of the day -- but I've never known how to go on about it! Now, after watching legendary actress Elsa Aguirre on this mind-blowing infomercial, the very blueprint of my dream has been placed before me:

Thank, Elsa. Thank you.