Old Wang Songgg! Or however the song goes… We’re already buzzed, nauseous and ready to ring in the New Year!

In honor of this most beloved of holidays, we’ve decided to -do poppers- put together a list of resolutions for our seven favorite Latinos who made news this year.

If you happen to know any of them personally, please forward them this post (for everyone’s sake).

And don’t forget to let us know what you’re resolving to do differently this year. Unless it’s something boring like “lose weight.” That’s way too vague. Be more specific. Example: Lose weight by doing more coke.

Our resolutions for the stars (and what you cna learn from them!), after the jump:

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera’s new look, while awful, is also unoriginal. This whole “I didn’t steal Lady Gaga’s look. Is that a man? See, I totally don’t know her” (actual quote!) thing is getting old. While we would completely believe that Christina dresses herself, we’re even more likely to believe that she pays someone to come up with her many horrendous looks. The chance that this “stylist” of hers simply stole an up-and-coming dance artist’s look is far more likely than two people deciding a simple, blonde wig and ridiculous eye makeup is awesome. This is Christina Aguilera after all. When has she ever decided on anything simple?

Resolution: Stop stealing other people’s looks or stop lying about stealing other people’s looks. Whichever works best for her.

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek is a lovely person. She has lovely breasts, a lovely billionaire baby daddy, and a lovely future-billionaire heiress. We don’t have anything against her choosing to smoke. We do question why she would have a cigarette in her mouth around her future meal ticket, though. Sure, you can point out that Salma’s rich on her own. But movie star money is nothing compared to billionaire money.

Resolution: Stop endangering the health of your billionaire baby. Not everyone gets the change to procreate with a billionaire. Salma needs to be more grateful!

Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes is gorgeous. Some people say that we look like Eva Mendes (not many, but there is that one person). So for the sake of our twin’s future in show business, we highly recommend that Eva take a role in which she doesn’t have to disrobe, make out with someone, or be gorgeous. It’s called an “ugly role.” Charlize Theron has done it. Halle Berry has done it. Even J.Lo did it for that one movie, Enough. (She looks really bad with short hair.)

Resolution: Take an ugly role. Be someone’s ugly best friend or star in a movie about coal miners. Whatever it takes to ensure you won’t be seen as just a pretty face and a really hot body.

Perez Hilton

It kills us to even mention this guy, but we feel that something needs to be said. Perez Hilton, you need to stick to gossiping. This whole “I’m gonna do press interviews and write books and be on CNN with Anderson Cooper” is annoying us. Sure, we’d do an interview with Anderson Cooper in a heartbeat, but we’re different. We don’t have a book deal or Paris Hilton’s phone number.

Resolution: Stick to drawing cum stains on famous people’s faces. If you ever feel tempted to go outside and stand in front of a camera, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I have a face for the internet.”

Bill Richardson

Bill Richardson, current Governor of New Mexico and future Commerce Secretary, isn’t famous in the way that Salma Hayek or even Perez Hilton is famous. He’s a politician. People kind of know who he is but no one except nerds and political science students really care. (Be honest.) But there is something we do care about. His face. We have to look at it whenever it’s on TV and we’ve decided we want his beard back. He shaved it, for some reason, and now he looks like a regular politician guy. Boring.

Resolution: Grow awesome facial hair back. It’s very distinguished.

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez is a cute little person. Okay, she’s probably taller than us, but she’s really young and has a small looking head. We love her! Well, except for her YouTube addiction. It’s great that Selena isn’t like Miley Cyrus — no awkward, beaver-faced pictures of her in her undies floating around the internet. But she has made one fatal mistake that Miley, and seemingly every young female celebrity out there, has made: She’s dating a Jonas Brother. Allegedly. Or something. All we know is that she takes to her YouTube account every five seconds to gush about him and promote his CDs, concerts, mall appearances, etc.

Resolution: Stop being a tool. You’re a pretty young lady and you don’t need to define yourself by the dick you’re not even touching. Leave emotional dependence for when you’re 35 and it’s your last chance to have a baby.

Nicole Richie

We never thought we’d see this day, but Nicole Richie is officially seemingly-normal. We’re not going to declare that she is normal because we wouldn’t know. But she seems balanced and happy ever since she’s had that Harlot (is the T silent?) kid of hers.

Resolution: Continue staying away from Paris Hilton. It seems to help.

Dear Readers, if there’s anything to learn from this year, it’s that celebrities are stupid and we should not be like them. If you’re at all like any of these people — and we’re guessing there are quite a few Selena Gomezes out there — then consider applying our resolutions for them to your own life. And don’t even pretend like you’ve never stolen someone’s fashion ideas, gone Fatal Attraction on a boyfriend, smoked around a few kids, or typecast yourself as a woman who takes off clothes for a “movie role”. We know you pretty well by now.

Oh yeah, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The National Council on Folic Acid and the Spina Bifida Association of Illinois are making Hispanic women the focus of “National Folic Acid Awareness Week” (January 5th to January 11th) in order to increase awareness regarding the link between inadequate folic acid intake in Hispanic mothers and spinal defects in their babies. According to the groups, Hispanic mothers are twice as likely than any other race or ethnic group to give birth to a baby with brain or spinal defects.

Says Adriane Griffen, chair of the National Council on Folic Acid:

“We need to educate all women, especially Latinas, that folic acid can help prevent birth defects of the brain and spine.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has also found that Latinas consume the least amount of folic acid and are less likely to be aware of its benefits. Some serious health information about folic acid, after the jump:

*Pregnant women and women of child-bearing age should consume at least 400mg of folic acid daily.

*Folic Acid is naturally found in cereals and grain products.

*The human body actually absorbs the synthetic form of folic acid better than the natural form, so multivitamins are recommended.

*Folic acid can prevent from 50% up to 70% of some forms of birth defects called neural tube defects (NTD).

*Spina bifida, the most common NTD, is the leading cause of childhood paralysis. Anencephaly, another type of NTD that affects the brain, is always fatal.

*Additional health benefits associated with folic acid include reductions in cardiovascular disease and colon, cervical and breast cancers.

Ya’ll, seriously. Eat more Coco Puffs, for the sake of your future progeny.

Health Facts about Folic Acid [Folic Acid Now]
Spine defect more likely in Hispanics [Belleville News-Democrat]

EBay user “wildmonarch” would like to sell you a “Hispanic Latina Bride Fashion doll” for only $5.99. She/he/it (shiiit?) has no bids so far, which is truly a shame. Not only does this doll have gorgeous eyebrows, but she’s twice the ethnic beauty that Mattel’s ambiguously brown “Teresa” doll is. Some of this doll’s fabulous features include:

*leather-like tanning
*off-brand label
*Barbie-sized stature (in heels)
*a tiny, Janet Jackson-sized nose
*shiny, flowy extensions

If this doll isn’t ethnic enough for you, we came across the doll below while buying cat food at Dollar General in Mexican-filled Mathis, TX:

Laugh, you fools, but those eyebrows, that blue eye shadow, and that marvelous red lipstick happen to contain magic. [Ed. note: And if you're questioning our classification of a white doll with chola eyebrows as "Hispanic", then you've officially made Alex A. cry.] Really, buying either of these dolls for your young children (Ages 3+) will teach them the essential mantra every young Latina should know: Dress up to get down.

Are we right, ladies?

Hispanic LATINA BRIDE Fashion Doll Dress & Shoes lot [eBay]

The November 2008 edition of Hispanic Business features an ad for Blend Images, a company offering stock photos of “ethnic” people. The ad proclaims that the company has “fresh, original photography for advertising and marketing projects.” This is the sort of business that can be easily championed… or easily derided. For instance, the picture at left shows a sassily dressed Latina in, presumably, her apartment, casually standing with her legs crossed in a way that almost shows the viewer more than they need for a marketing project. No matter that we love her shoes and might wear that dress if we had the boobs for it, the point is, what sort of advertising or marketing project would need this image? Did we mention that this picture is listed in the gallery “Your Place or Mine?”

More ethnic imagery, after the jump:

Can’t you almost hear the guy on the left calling out “Dawg!” between puffs on his cigar? Nevermind that these two culturally diverse gentlemen are sitting around playing video games while smoking cigars and drinking champagne, why are they on a furry couch with a cheetah print cover on the back? And why does the guy on the left have on jeans that make it look like he wet himself? We can understand needing this stock photo for a story on a genetic link between earning a bit of money and needing to be a douchebag (really, guys, champagne and cigars for a Playstation?) but we’re not quite sure where else this photo might be useful. Dating site, perhaps?

Oh, stereotypes. Or, rather: Oh, reality. Yes, many Hispanic men find themselves working as cooks in a restaurant, but why is he smiling about it? “Hey, I get to cook you food. It’s nice. No papers needed.”

We can understand the need for diverse stock images, but we’re not sure if these images show real diversity. The people might be diverse, but the situations they’re placed in come across as stereotypes. What do you think?

Blend Images

Manuel Benitez was killed yesterday in El Monte, California after a two-hour standoff in a Chinese restaurant, during which he held his son hostage. Police say the standoff began when an officer noticed a man take a boy off the sidewalk and head into the restaurant. The officer ordered Benitez to stop but, instead, he barricaded himself inside. Nearby streets were closed and shoppers were evacuated from neighboring stores. Dozens of police officers and various emergency crews surrounded the restaurant and eventually busted in after throwing in a flash grenade.

Before getting to the part about the murdered ex-girlfriend and Benitez’s role in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (stay tuned!), let us point out that this standoff began, not when someone wanted for murder entered a restaurant with his son, but when police noticed a Hispanic man pick up a kid on the sidewalk, who turned out to be his son, and head into a restaurant. Benitez had two guns on him, but it totally wouldn’t have surprised us if it turned out they were toy guns. Racists.

Benitez had a warrant out for his arrest after his girlfriend was bludgeoned to death with a dumbbell in 2004. Even before that episode, Benitez was a child actor, who went by the name “Mark Everett,” and had roles in the television shows “Trapper John, M.D.” and “Highway to Heaven”. He also appeared in the movies Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and Stand and Deliver, so we’ve probably all seen him during Calculus class without even knowing it. He was recently featured on “America’s Most Wanted,” so it’s sort of sad that no one even knew who this guy was until after police had killed him. It’s great they “got” a bad guy, but it would have been nicer if they knew who they were shooting at before bullets and flash grenades started flying. Fame and life - both so fleeting.

SoCal man killed by cops was 2004 murder suspect [AP]

Members of the Hispanic Ministries in Tuscon, Arizona, traveled to Mexico to donate 300 pairs of shoes to needy children. Aw! Their good deeds, however, were quickly stopped by the evil Mexican Customs office in Nogales Sonora. Cumstoms confiscated 250 pairs of shoes and levied a $1,800 fine. Leo Garcia, who heads the Hispanic Ministries, pleaded with Mexican customs officers to let them return to the U.S. with the shoes, but the officials just laughed, chugged on their bottles of tequila, puffed a bit on their cigars, and immediately took their loot to El Guapo. Oh yeah, but before that, they took the missionaries’ car keys and refused to give them back until they paid the $1,800 tax.

Said Garcia’s 16-year-old daughter, Esperanza:

“It was heartbreaking because we’re trying to help poor families and little kids who don’t get anything. I saw my dad crying and [it] made me cry more and my dad said put your head down and pray.”

Garcia has been traveling to Mexico for over a decade donating items to the poor and has never had any problems. Despite their recent setbacks, Garcia plans to return to Mexico in May with more donated items. Said Garcia, with a heroic glimmer in his eye:

“These people are not going to stop us to do what you know what we have in our hearts to do.”

A bit convoluted syntax, wethinks, but the message is clear. No matter how many bullets American border patrol shoots at you and no matter how much money Mexican customs officials rob from you, if you really, truly feel like you have a calling to be in Mexico, then you go for it girlfriend/guyfriend! But don’t forget to update your will!

Officials seize gifts that were headed to the poor [KVOA News 4, Tuscon]

Researchers at Indiana University published a list of six Christmas-related health myths in the British Medical Journal. Among the myths? That sugar causes hyperactive behavior. Scientists tested this out by giving sugar to a group of kids, some with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and noted that none displayed an increase hyperactive behavior. They did note, however, that parents who think that their kids have had sugar are more likely to rate their child’s behavior as “hyperactive.” We personally noticed that sugar did not cause hyperactivity when crushing and sniffing Adderall became so popular in college. If sugar is such an upper, wouldn’t college students be crushing and snorting candy bars too?

Another myth the team counters is that poinsettias, the popular Mexican Christmas plant, are poisonous. According to the scientists, out of 22,793 cases of poinsettia exposure reported in the US, none resulted in death and 96% required no medical treatment whatsoever. Although poinsettias are technically toxic, none of the aforementioned cases resulted in considerable poisoning. So calm down Grandma! That terrible rash is probably just an STD. More examples of ways society tries to indoctrinate you with pointless myths, after the jump:

According to the scientists, there is no effective cure or preventative measures for hangovers aside from drinking in moderation. We know, that’s sort of like saying if you don’t want to get pregnant or get an STD than you have to wear condoms. No amount of cooch jelly or douching is going to help you.

You may have heard from celebrities and other health specialists that eating at night will make you blow up like Oprah. Well, according to new studies, that ain’t true. In one study of more than 2,500 patients, eating at night did not cause weight gain. However, eating more than three meals a day did. According to the researchers, eating more in general will cause you to gain weight, not eating at night.

We’ve heard from basically everyone that such-and-such percentage of heat is lost through our heads. Well, not true! According to researchers, if you go out in the arctic in a swimsuit, you can still only count on losing 10% of your body heat through your head. Basically, any exposed area of your body loses heat. The myth that wearing a hat will keep tons of heat in your body first originated with the military. However, researchers say the old military studies did not prove that wearing a hat kept one significantly warmer than not wearing one.

With the emergence of such valid psychiatric diagnoses such as S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), you may be tempted to believe the myth that more people commit suicide during the winter months. Says one Dr. Vreeman:

“The combined stresses of family dysfunction, exacerbations in loneliness, and more depression over the cold dark winter months are commonly thought to increase the number of suicides.”

Well, friends, it ain’t true. There is no valid evidence to suggest that suicide peaks during the holidays. In fact, studies have shown that worldwide suicide rates peak in warmer months. So if you’re trying to be hip and kill yourself at the same time, wait until June! June is the cat’s meow for suicide.

Winter medical myths ‘debunked’ [BBC News]

Contributing Editors Anastasia Hinojosa and Camilla Rowan decided to filter through all the muck and sentimentality of the holiday season and get right down to putting together news you can use: tips on surviving this difficult, tinsel-strewn season. In Part II of our guide, Camilla teaches you how to fake sobriety and religious tolerance, among other things.

Ahhh, X-mas. It seems so saucy and full of possibility when you write it like that. Way better than the reality, which is that Christmas is one of the least sex-filled times of the year- rooms full of relatives, incapacitating bouts of binge-eating and the suspicion that Jesus is squinting judgmentally at you from the shadows all contribute to make your sex life vanish like a fart in the wind. So how to entertain yourselves, left to your own devices? The Holidays (TM) can be surprisingly fun, once you resign yourselves to the awkwardness and chaos, so gird your loins, slap on a smile and heed Guanabee’s words of wisdom:

Drinking And Then Feigning Sobriety

Playing sober isn’t as hard as it sounds, since most of your family will probably also be with you somewhere along the spectrum from tipsy to sloshed. Alcohol, though technically poison, is also nature’s social lubricant so it is basically the most important thing on your menu. Otherwise it would be all too “real” when grammie starts yelling racist/xenophobic/terrible things. We suggest starting out slow, with a glass of wine diluted by ice cubes. We know, ice in wine is tacky as all hell but it’ll save you from passing out before the first course is through. Also, it’s not like you’ll be drinking a rare 90 dollar bottle of Chateau LePeep, so who cares about putting ice in it! Hell, put coke in it if you want (cough, Spain, those disgusting Calimochos). Now the tricky part is after dinner when your sweet, well-meaning tia pulls you aside for a “life talk.” She’ll be really hurt if you don’t listen and participate. So. How do you pretend you’re not seeing her in triplicate? Make sure you’re sitting, preferably on a hard chair with arms or something to keep you from falling off. It’s OK to lean your head on the wall if it’s close enough- she’ll think you are thoughtfully musing over what she is saying. MOST IMPORTANT: do not close one eye. Yes, it is extremely tempting because it takes away the double vision and minimizes the spinny feeling, but it’s a dead giveaway. Remember to nod your head once in a while and try not to talk too much, and you should be home free. If she starts to look suspicious because you’re slurring your words and hiccuping, just tell her you’re still recovering from Grandpa’s passing. A cheap move, but it’ll do in an emergency.

Friends And Family Who Don’t Celebrate Christmas

Since most western nations celebrate their “winter holiday” around Christmas time, it’s understandable that we associate the whole time with the Christian holiday. But that doesn’t make it OK to yell PAGAN WHORE! at your sister, k? We should know- in our family we have Jews, Christians, atheists and wannabe buddhists, which makes for plenty of hijinx and bewilderment. But it’s essential to remember the real reason you’re hanging out around the “holiday” tree- no, not Jesus bursting forth merrily from Mary’s flesh-chimney, but family. Family is the reason we’re all here, so try to keep that in mind and just skip the religion part, at least when you’re all in one room. Nod and smile when your mother wishes you a happy Solstice, and clap along if you don’t know the words to Away in a Manger (honestly, who does?).

Sharing A Bed Or Room With Relatives

Unless you’re lucky enough to live close to all of your family or rich enough to stay in a nearby hotel, you’ll probably be double-bunking with a relative and we don’t mean that in a fun kissing-cousins way (Remember what we said about inbreeding? Bad news!) Privacy will be limited and failure to get along is not an option. Ideally you’ll be put with someone you like, but what if it’s a snoring aunt? First, if it’s at your house, hide the stash. Your room will most likely be given to an elder, so it’s super important to clean out all contraband material before they come and happen upon your anal beads, “Best of Menudo” DVD or whatever crap you pervs are hiding in the sock drawer. If you can’t avoid sharing a room with someone you don’t easily get along with, make sure to have plenty of distractions to ease the experience for both of you. DVD’s, family gossip, old photo albums and Wii systems are all sure-bets to have you both cackling… or at least sitting in mutual sullen silence.

Creepy Relatives

We used to have these three boy cousins who were incredibly creepy, not to mention about as civilized as mad dogs. Favorite memories include the time they broke all the power windows in our van, the time one of them took a flash picture of us and then showed everyone how it made our dress see-through, and the classic time one of them made us role-play Star Trek with them for an entire Thanksgiving. So how did we manage to not lose our shit? Before we were old enough to drink, we would lock the door to our room and hide in the closet. But that doesn’t fly so much these days. We recommend one of two strategies: Confront them. Don’t put up with their weird bullshit anymore. If it’s innuendo, shame them out of it by asking them loudly if they’ve ever Google image-searched “inbreeding.” Alternately, beat them at their own game by being creepier than they are. Tactics include but are not limited to; faking rabidity with toothpaste-froth, putting all your hair forward and playing that girl from the ring, and asking them which Pokemon they’d rather “do”.

This concludes our heart-felt effort to ease any pre-holiday stress you might be feeling- we hope our tips were useful or at least good fodder for mockery. We all know laughter is the best medicine, which, in the immortal words of Jack Handy, ” Is why several of us died of tuberculosis.” May you grow wiser, stronger and even more beautiful than you already are in the coming new year!

New York magazine likes to publish a little feature called “Daily Intel” that features a glorious sex diary every week. This week they featured a sex diary by a 27-year-old trader from the West Village who happens to be single, straight, and willing to travel on the promise of sex (kind of like those To Catch a Predator guys). The tales of threesomes with a married couple and other “swinging adventures” generally bore us (we regularly read pleas for these kind of sexual experiences on Craigslist) until we come across some mentions of Latinas.

Exhibit 1:

“My Latina admin comes in. While I do not shit where I eat, I do enjoy the dirty thoughts that come to mind. She is petite — five foot two at the most and around 125 pounds that she wears well, with massive D cups. I am still not sure if they are real or if she had a good doctor. Who cares … she would be fun regardless.”

This sounds like us! Creepy! Well, except the massive D cups. They’re probably not real.

Exhibit 2:

“See this banging Latina with sweater straining over fake breasts. I remind myself that I need to date a stripper before I die, much like my other goals of visiting Brazil and starting my own investment firm in five years.”

Ha ha this guy’s totally disgusting and we think we’ve been out with him. Why is it that both Latinas seem to have massive “sweater straining” fake breasts? And why don’t we have any? Are you there, God? It’s us, flat chest. Maybe we’ll just start buying kids’ size sweaters. “Sweater straining” is an ambiguous description.

But perhaps even more perplexing to us than this guy’s perception of Latinas is this:

“I slap on a condom and start missionary style. She is more verbal than I remember. I notice something. White women of a certain age — in my experience — use “cock” a lot. Younger girls use “dick.” Brothers generally use “dick” except when doing the whole “bbc” thing.”

Man, this guy’s such a dickfaced cockhole. See that? We used both words! We’re bordering on middle-age. Btw, lol, what’s the whole “bbc” thing? Please let us know!

This guys total sexual activity in the course of the column: “Three acts of intercourse; two acts of cunnilingus; two acts of fellatio; six acts of masturbation; one act of flying to another state for NSA threesome; two acts of gym exercising; two acts of ogling the office administrative staff.”

This guy paid to fly for a threesome and his sexual acts barely outnumber his masturbation sessions? Yeah. We’ve definitely gone out with this guy.

The Trader Who Will Fly for Sex [New York Magazine]

Geographers at the University of South Carolina have created a “death map” that shows the areas of the United States with the highest rate of deaths caused by natural phenomena. The map also shows what kind of phenomena (drought, wildfires, hurricanes, heat waves, freezing weather, baby-eating dingo attacks) you can expect to kill you depending on where you live, and even offers a pie chart to let you know which of several phenomena is most likely to kill you.

For example, someone from Texas can most expect to die from “Other,” “Flooding,” “Tornadoes,” and “Heat/Drought,” in that order.

Someone from New York can expect to die from “Winter Weather,” “Other,” “Severe Weather,” and “Heat/Drought.”

No word on what “Other” might stand for. It can’t be knife attacks or hate crimes because those aren’t “natural,” in the geophysical sense. Maybe “Other” really stands for “The Hand of God?” With all of the cults in Texas, we’re fairly sure Divine Intervention and FBI raids are the most likely causes of death.

What are you most likely to die from?

“Death Map” Plots Where Nature Is Most Likely to Kill You [Discover Magazine]

This adorable little racist, Adolf Hitler Campbell, turned 3 on Sunday amidst controversy surrounding his birthday cake. ShopRite, a totally unequal opportunity source of cakes, refused to make Adolf a birthday cake with the words “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler”. The supermarket called the request “inappropriate.” To which Adolf Hilter’s mother replied, “That’s sad.” Seriously. She thinks it’s sad that a supermarket refused to inscribe a cake with “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler.” ShopRite maintained they were willing to make them a cake, just not put that specific message on it. The mother, however, does not find it the least bit sad that she named her kid after a liar (he said he wouldn’t get married and then did), racist (that whole Holocaust thing), homophobe (gays were killed during the Holocaust, too), and coke addict (yes, he did drugs).

A.H.’s parents, Heath and Deborah, also have children named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. They will totally date Jewish, Black gay people. Trust.

We here at Guanabee have warned you about naming your kids after Adolf Hitler or other popular politicians. And we just now noticed the comment from Adolf Hitler Campbell himself. Glad to know he reads a Latina-oriented blog!

As far as the cake controversy goes, isn’t it sadder that the parents couldn’t just request a cake that said “Happy Birthday Adolf” instead of insisting on including the Hitler part? Is he really going to use his first and middle name in general conversation? It sounds more like the parents are interested in creating controversy rather than giving their kid a birthday cake. Or, you know. A normal life.

Holland Township family angry that supermarket won’t personalize cake for their son [Lehigh Valley Live]

Alex Nogales, President of the National Hispanic Media Coalition, is fighting to get better Latino representation in the media. According to Nogales, Latinos in the media — like those featured on television, for example — have largely centered around stereotypes such as criminals and drug traffickers. Says Nogales:

“Having Latinos on national news programs, or series like ‘The George Lopez Show’ and ‘Ugly Betty’ didn’t happen by accident - it took a lot of pressure and we’re going keep it up.”

Let’s not forget that one of those shows is a remake and neither are shows we have seen.

So the question really is: For all of Nogales’ effort, are Latinos really being portrayed any better? Betty is ugly and dresses badly [Ed. note: Nevermind that we own that exact skirt.] and George Lopez helms a standard, marginally funny family sitcom. As Latinos, we don’t even watch many American-centered “Hispanic” television shows. Not that there are many, but our favorite shows are more predicated on the personalities of the characters than on their skin color or background. Wouldn’t it be better to just have a show that simply featured realistic Latino characters without treading into “positive” or “negative” Latin American stereotypes? Of course, we may be unwittingly endorsing George Lopez. Maybe we should watch that show. Or continue watching old reruns of “Que Pasa U.S.A” or the Selena Gomez-helmed Disney sitcom “The Wizards of Waverly Place.”

Can you think of any other shows that feature — or revolve entirely around — Latinos?

Alex Nogales Battles for Positive Hispanic Portrayals in the Media [Hispanic Business.com]

Burger King has unveiled a new men’s body spray called “Flame”. According to the Home of the Whopper, the cologne smells like “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” The meat-spray became available this weekend and a few guys are kind of psyched about it.

Says Salami Caushi (real name?) of South Boston: “It’s very nice.”

Do you hear that in a Borat accent too? One customer, Tony Rama (seriously, that’s too close to Tony Romo to be real), disagreed, “It’s much too heavy.”

“Flame” isn’t for everyone, however. If you love meat products, but happen to be a woman or simply a guy that doesn’t actually want to smell like meat, then we’ve got some products for you:

If you’re like some people we know, you may not floss ever. Or as much as you should. That’s where this floss comes in. Not only does it have a snazzy novelty case, which we’re sure many Urban Outfitters shoppers will absolutely lurve, but it also allegedly tastes like bacon. We’ve never tried it, but you’re welcome to try it and let us know if it actually just tastes like a bacony ass.

Warning: this is not made of real meat. Instead, this is made to make people who see you on the street think that you have an iPod case made of meat. “Why?” you may ask, “would I want people to think that?” Well, unless you’re a hipster or other ironic stereotype, you probably wouldn’t.

Who wants to chew on a nice, thick phallic symbol? We do! “Lunch Meat Bubble Gum” not only has a catchy name, it has a juicy package too. Put a pack of Victory candy cigarettes and a few sausage bubble gum sticks in your purse and you’re ready for any five-year-old’s birthday party.

Alright, so this meat toilet is actually a piece of art by Simone Racheli (a guy) but if you’re willing to pay for it, you completely have the option to poop in it too. It might feel like a giant Venus Flytrap is eating your ass, but that could be a positive thing.

Burger King’s scent of love now flame broiled [Boston Herald]

Hunky Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa, who announced this weekend that he would probably buy arms from Iran in order to secure the border Ecuador shares with Colombia, has decided to default on billions of dollars of foreign debt. President Correa called part of Ecuador’s $10 billion foreign debt “obviously immoral and illegitimate”. He also made sure to call international lenders “monsters” and said some of their debt had been borrowed illegally by a previous administration. That’s similar to something we told Sallie Mae.

The default will mark the first time in seven years that a Latin American country has failed to make a loan payment. The last Latin American country to default on a loan was Argentina in 2001.

Says President Correa:

“We’ll present a proposal to restructure the debt in order to resolve this problem as fast as possible. As president I couldn’t allow us to keep paying a debt that was obviously immoral and illegitimate.”

In case you’re wondering, President Correa received his Masters and Ph.D. in Economics at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Yes, he is a U.S.-trained economist.

Ecuador defaults on foreign debt [BBC News]