It’s not Christmas in Catalan until the caganeres come out and this year’s hottest celebrity pooper is Cristiano Ronaldo.
17 November 2009
10 November 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo Wins Libel Suit Against Daily Mail Cuz He Ain’t No Boozer
By Cindy Casares at 2:22 PM.
9 October 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Singing In Commercials Now
By Cindy Casares at 11:00 AM.
Even banks are not above using Cristiano Ronaldo’s luscious looks to gain your business.
8 October 2009
Brujería: Which Of His Ex-Girlfriends Cast A Witch’s Spell On Cristiano Ronaldo?
By Alex Alvarez at 11:13 AM.
Cristiano Ronaldo, soccer player and internationally renowned collar popper, is under a spell. And here we thought his behavior could be chalked up to his being European.
30 September 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Girlfriend Is Raffaella Fico, Says Raffaella Fico
By Alex Alvarez at 10:32 AM.
Cristiano Ronaldo is reportedly dating Italian model Raffaella Fico, and she seems like quite an interesting lady. For example: Did you know she is (was) an expensive virgin? It’s true! Ish.
19 August 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo’s Legs Have Been Insured For $148 Million, Give Or Take
By Cindy Casares at 1:30 PM.
Cristiano Ronaldo, who apparently plays soccer when he’s not busy tanning, has just had his goal-scoring gams insured by Real Madrid for £90m which roughly translates to $148 million American dollars depending on how shitty our economy is doing that week.
Cristiano Ronaldo Insures His Legs For 90 Million Pounds
By Nacomprende at 12:00 PM.
5 August 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo Ignoring His Ex: The Music Video
By Chris Alonzo at 10:07 AM.
Remember the other day when Cristiano Ronaldo zipped past his ex, Nereida Gallardo, while security held her at bay? Well, some enterprising soul took pictures from the incident and set them to sad music, for your morning coffee break, because they love you.
3 August 2009
Heroic Security Guard Prevents Cristiano Ronaldo From Even Having To Look At His Crazy Ex
By Chris Alonzo at 12:00 PM.
Crazy Nereida Gallardo tried to talk to her beautiful, newly-shorn ex Cristiano Ronaldo outside of a nightclub in Majorca, but security held her back, allowing Ronaldo to walk past undisturbed without even acknowledging her presence.
17 July 2009
Check out Cristiano’s Ronaldo’s Enormous, £5 Million Mansion No One Wants to Buy
By Chris Alonzo at 11:13 AM.
Real Madrid golden boy Cristiano Ronaldo has yet to find a buyer for his Cheshire home, so if you or somebody you know has £5 million sitting around get on it! It could be yours!
15 July 2009
Manchester City Shows Ronaldo, Real Madrid How It’s Done With Parking Lot Extravaganza
By Chris Alonzo at 1:38 PM.
Manchester City apparently decided to avoid comparisons to Real Madrid’s unveiling of Cristiano Ronaldo before 800,000 screaming fans altogether by unveiling new acquisition Carlos Tevez in a parking lot after he’d slept in an alley the night before.
14 July 2009
It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Cristiano Ronaldo
By Cindy Casares at 3:29 PM.
Cristiano Ronaldo spends a rainy practice in Ireland before heading off to sunny Spain to play for Real Madrid where every day he will sip sangria from a sack made of the freshly shorn testicles of a baby bull.
Here’s the Video of Your Golden God, Cristiano Ronaldo, Addressing 80,000 Real Madrid Fans
By Chris Alonzo at 1:49 AM.
They finally made an honest man out of him yesterday, as Cristiano Ronaldo officially passed his physical, signed his contracts, and emerged to greet 80,000 screaming fans of Real Madrid for the first time in whites, adopting the number 9 jersey of Madrid legend Alfredo di Stefano. It was the largest turnout for an unveiling ceremony probably forever and ever.
8 July 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Plagued By Gay Rumors And Has A Dead Dad, Says Spanish-Language Tabloid For No Reason
By Alex Alvarez at 4:45 PM.
TVyNovelas is revealing some less than savory details about Cristiano Ronaldo’s life and family. For example: Did you know he’s the biological father of Michael Jackson’s children?
7 July 2009
Madrid Inspects Its Pretty, New, $132 Million Dollar Cristiano Ronaldo
By Cindy Casares at 11:15 AM.
Last night, 80,000 Madrid Real fans showed up to watch the “unveiling” of Cristiano Ronaldo as an official member of their team. People were topless!
2 July 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo Beat Up A 17 Year-Old Girl’s Car
By Cindy Casares at 11:15 AM.
Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a seventeen year-old girl’s car window on Sunday because she bothered his mother. We’re sure this is, in no way, an indication that he is a mama’s boy.
29 June 2009
An “Uncontrollable” Cristiano Ronaldo Is Not Making Friends In Spain
By Alex Alvarez at 3:15 PM.
Vaguely orange soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo is making the switch from Manchester United to Real Madrid and that’s getting players from his new rival team, Barcelona, less than thrilled.
