Our little lambchop David Archuleta decided to surprise all his Mormons while he is in Salt Lake City for the Idols Tour ‘08 by giving the weather report on the local Fox News affiliate this morning. Aww. He even...

In case you were wondering just how real David “I’ve never been kissed except in Gay Fan Fiction” Archuleta rolls, here’s a video of him speaking Spanish to a fan. And if you’re bilingually challenged here’s a translation: In...

Cook sits on the edge of Archuleta’s bed, his hands folded in his lap. He’s the word nerd. He’s the articulate one, the older one. So why is it that ever since they came back to their rooms after...

Davids Archuleta and Cook perform hand-stands after meeting fans. David Cook vs. David Archuleta — Hand Stand!!! [Rickey.org]...

In a revealing “17 Questions” exposé in Seventeen Magazine this month we learn that David Archuleta may, in fact, be a prude. Go Mormons, go! 1. When was your first kiss? I haven’t had a first kiss. 2. Who’s...

David Archuleta looking like a fetus in a Halloween pimp costume. David Archuleta - Finishing the Hat [Rickey.org]...

Some blogger cracked the code to a private Photobucket site to reveal candid, real-life photographs of David Archuleta with family and friends that prove he really is as dorky and boring in person as he appears on television. I’m...

The National Enquirer is allegedly reporting (although we couldn’t find a link) that Lupe Archuleta, the Virgin mother of our Savior David Archuleta, threw a shitfit at the show last week when her little lambchop lost the American Idol...

Rickey.org, the site where Rickey Yaneza, a grown man in New York, obsessively follows David Archuleta around like some weirdo from the internet [Ed: What do you mean, “like”?] has just posted this charming photo of David Archuleta’s bodyguard...

When Jimmy Kimmel’s not drunk or yelling at Gawker editors, he is known to create a funny video or two. This one of David Archuleta as the new face of Monchichi almost qualifies....

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days since America took its love away from David Archuleta, deciding in a 12 million vote landslide that he is NOT their new American Idol. We spent most of yesterday crying out to...

Watching American Idol for the first time last night allowed us to discover a side of America that we find more disturbing than a John Waters film. Like this Guitar Hero spot that features our little mormon boy dancing...

How could America not elect the cutest chipmunk ever to grace the small screen as their next American Idol? Oh fuck it. We can’t pretend we care about this show anymore. All their voices sound like mediocrity. And now...

So last night the David-off happened on American Idol between David Archuleta and David Cook. And although we have to wait till tonight to find out officially who won, the judges pretty much gave it away when the put...

What’s up with David Archuleta’s mayor’s mustache, eh? Is he prospecting for gold out there in Utah? Last night when the producers of American Idol decided to show a clip from David’s homecoming party in Murray, Utah, America was...

It’s a David-off on American Idol as the contestants were whittled down last night to David Cook and Our Chuletito David Archuleta when the last female contestant Syesha Mercado was eliminated. This should come as a surprise to no...

Here’s David ChewableFlinstone’sVitamins singing Chris Brown’s “With You” to you, Lil’ Mama. Who thinks David’s going to win this whole shebang? Who fell asleep halfway through writing this post? Anyway, aw! Everything he does is so cute. Which is...

Jeff Archuleta, evil stage dad of our adorable little chuletito David Archuleta, has been banned from rehearsals, etc for American Idol. This could be the show’s attempt at a telenovela plot line to ensure record-breaking ratings during its final...

Someone went through all the trouble of screengrabbing a bunch of images of David Archuleta in his Ford Mustang bullfighting costume and then posting them on the internet. Which we think is really creepy, as he is a minor,...

American Idol is as American as fat people at Six Flags which is why Ford tapped them to participate in a TV spot that features four finalists, (including Our Chuleta), bullfighting a Mustang in front of a Spanish mission...

Ever since we heard about the possibility of our little riblet David Archuleta not getting to attend his junior prom due to the rigorous American Idol rehearsal schedule, we’ve been lighting our Jesus-scented candles to La Virgen, praying that...

Teen scream! American Idol producers not only hold the fate of David Archuleta’s music career in their hands, they also have the power to stop him from attending his junior prom. Our Chuleta’s official Fan Blast has the report...

Former “American Idol” contestant no one has thought of before or since, Blake Lewis, has announced he thinks current contestant David Archuleta is “boring.” The statement prompted much teeth gnashing and breast beating (and beat-boxing) along the congested streets...

You think you’ve got it bad because your mom hits you upside the head with a chancleta for being a sinvergüenza? Scoff! Fool. Thank your lucky stars all you’ve got is a flip-flop shaped mark on your cheek instead...

As with every boy we’ve ever liked, we’re totally stalking David Archuleta so we can find out everything about him and casually mention we’re really into whatever interests him next time we see him. Through his bedroom window. And,...

A web page advertising American Idol lambchop David Archuleta’s so-called stage dad Jeff Archuleta’s services as an “experienced producer, consultant, vocal consultant, arranging, style and image development,” states that he has “spent the last 5 years working with American...

Rumors are circulating that David Archuleta’s dad Jeff is an evil stage father. According to ET, there may have been more than nerves at play during David’s unfortunate inability to work it out during “We Can Work It Out”...

A nation stands in shock today after witnessing their idol—indeed America’s idol—David Archuleta fall far from his pedestal last night when the words to his chosen Beatles song, “We Can Work It Out” left his pretty little brain. David!...

How did we miss this Tuesday? Oh yes, we never actually watch American Idol. When our little chuleta, David Archuleta, performed “Another Day In Paradise,” the homeless anthem by philosopher and bald Phil Collins, Simon Cowell criticized him saying...

Sports gambling and betting information site, OffshoreInsiders.com released a report today that says Barack Obama will take Texas, Hillary Clinton will win Ohio and David Archuleta will be crowned America’s next Idol. Tell us something we don’t know, gamblers!...

David Archuleta, little chuleta of sweetness that he is, shed a few tears when fellow contestant Alexandrea Lushington [Ed. note: “Lex Lushington” would be the. Best. Porn name. Ever.] got the ol’ heave-ho (so to speak): “American Idol” frontrunner...

“American Idol” is pretty much a festering, simmering slop of pop culture references and post-modern trainwreck-reality-TV-disguised-as-a-talent-search, served with a dash of garlic salt, so we think it’s pretty apt that “The Soup” should deem it fit to cover. They...

Like the crying baby soothed by the dulcet tones of David Archuleta in the above video, a Canadian journalist wrapping up last week’s American Idol in The Vancouver Province is equally entranced: Looks like American Idol has found its...

We’ll just go ahead and dedicate the rest of this Wednesday to David Archuleta. Soul is alive and well in Utah. Did you know? And it’s 97.3% thanks to David, our own soulful little Wayne Newton mini-me. In this...

Some people, who are possibly blind or wear special helmets, think “American Idol” contestant David Archuleta looks like “High School Musical” star and Vanessa-Hudgens-posing-partner Zac Efron. Well frost our tips and call us Twinkle-toes, but we’re going to go...

(Was that title pedo-ish? Whatevs.) David Archuleta, the 16 year old “American Idol” contestant who might actually get us to care about this show, sings for Season 1’s contestants and is so damn good that Kelly Clarkson sees it...

Have you seen little sixteen year-old American Idol wannabe David Archuleta from Utah? Rarely has a contestant so uniformly charmed the judges! Even the really angry white one. Could it be those long eyelashes? His tale of overcoming vocal...