Jermain Defoe, star striker for Tottenham Hotspur and the English national team, has flied a lawsuit against the Essex Police charging that his arrest last month was a result of racial profiling, and not the way he keeps breaking the speed limit in his Range Rover. Move over, Rosa Parks!
19 November 2009
9 September 2009
14 August 2009
Jermain Defoe Sues “Racist” Police For Wrongful Arrest; Probably Just A Crap Driver
By Chris Alonzo at 11:28 AM.
16 July 2009
Enormous Orgy Breaks Out At Super-Fancy Party You Just Knew Was Happening Somewhere
By Chris Alonzo at 2:02 PM.
A masked ball held in a rented, 17th-century English manor erupted in a big awesome orgy, and the cops said there was nothing they could do because it was a private event with consenting adults, all 350 of them. We declare today international England Is Way Cooler Than We Thought Day.
27 March 2009
Teenager Paints 60-Foot Phallus On His Roof, Unbeknownst To Mom & Dad
By Cindy Casares at 2:30 PM.
Eighteen year-old Rory McInnes was inspired by a documentary on Google Earth–the technology that is systematically satellite-photographing the whole world–to paint a 60-foot phallus, (that’s a penis if you’re nasty), on the roof of his parents $2 million home in Hungerford England. A helicopter pilot spotted the artwork a year later and called British tabloid [...]
16 March 2009
Cristiano Ronaldo’s Mom Wears Hot Pants, Cristiano Thinks Portuguese Women Are Better Than English Ladies
By Alex Alvarez at 4:00 PM.
His ex told us soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo was something of a mama’s boy, and he’s proven as much by 1) claiming Portuguese women are hotter than English women, 2) dressing his mom in his clothing line and 3) allowing his mother to handle his love life.
Cristiano’s mom, 54-year-old Dolores Aveiro, made an appearance wearing [...]
2 February 2009
Woman On Pill Gives Birth To Twins- Twice
By Camilla Rowan at 12:00 PM.
22 year old Carly O’Brien somehow got pregnant with twins twice while on the pill. Freakish, yes, but still better than having 14 kids while living at home. On the pill failing for her twice, she said; “Everyone I’ve spoken to, all my friends and family and even the staff at the hospital, say [...]
30 January 2009
Study Blames Feminism For Rise In “Girl Violence”
By Camilla Rowan at 2:15 PM.
Britain’s Ministry Of Justice released a report on the rise in female-committed crime, and then promptly shat itself with fear and blamed the fact that women “are outside at night more.”
29 January 2009
Outrage Over Pedophile In Kid’s Train Brochure
By Camilla Rowan at 2:59 PM.
Due to some inexplicable editorial mistake, a town in England used a photo of a known pedophile in their tourist brochure, depicting him as “The Fat Conductor” of a train ride for kids titled “Fun In The Forest.”
23 January 2009
Queen’s Guard Attacks Assholish Colombian Student Nick Ibarra
By Alex Alvarez at 4:30 PM.
Nick Ibarra, a Colombian student currently studying English at Oxford, learned the hard way that British armed guards do not feel too embarrassed by their big silly hats to fucking attack your ass.
15 January 2009
British Postman Falls For Nigerian Myspace Scam (Twice), Loses Over $218,000, Is Sad
By Camilla Rowan at 6:24 PM.
Sad British postman Shane Symington fell for that worst of all internet scams: the Nigerian internet scam. The Nigerians have been busy this year, since it seems they’ve graduated from the “I’m the rightful Prince of Nigeria” email and gone on to bigger things, like pretending to be girls on Myspace.
