For many people living in South Florida, malls are often the best entertainment option: They’re free to enter, are usually air-conditioned, contain bathrooms, sell pizza and are full of teenagers. Delish! Mall of the Americas, however, goes the extra...

Where will we blog when we go home for Christmas? The one Starbucks in Brownsville, Texas is a dead store walking! After announcing it will close 600 stores between now and FY09, the previously unstoppable Starbucks empire has published...

Webster Cook, a college student from Orange County… wait for it… Florida (sigh) has been receiving death threats from Catholics after stealing the Eucharist from a church. For those who don’t know, the Eucharist is a consecrated communion wafer...

We’re definitely not the only ones to have noticed that most stories involving meth, serial killers, pregnant teenagers, meth-addicted pregnant teen serial killers and Truck Nutz come from Florida. “Best Week Ever” noticed too! All thanks to a story...

Well, 552 Americans since April have been identified with cases of the same genetic strain of salmonella—which means there are probably thousands of cases that have gone unreported—half of them are in the state of Texas. Meanwhile, the FDA...

Last week when Barack Obama was campaigning in Florida, Elian Gonzalez’s family protested during an address Obama made to the U.S. Conference of Mayors in Miami. Their beef? Two people on Obama’s team: Foreign policy adviser Greg Craig, who...

A 50-year-old man in Tampa, Florida took his wife’s departure to tend to her sick mother as the perfect opportunity to go onto Ye Olde Listes of Craig and place an ad for a maid… Who wouldn’t mind doing...

Remember this adorable little asshole? First, he stole his grandmother’s car, damaging it and several other vehicles when he drove it around because it’s “fun to do bad things.” Now, he’s undergoing a mental evaluation after beating his abuelita....

The North Lauderdale City Commission, wanting some to do beside create new laws relating to golf carts and pacemakers, have decided to secede from Florida and create their own state: The North Lauderdale City Commission passed a resolution requesting...

You guys. Come on. Fucking stop it already. Wonkette is now making fun of us you. Are you happy? Do you enjoy this? You do, don’t you? Fucking Christ, people: Wonkette tipster “M.K.” sends this ridiculous screenshot from CNN.com,...

Dudes, guys! Fellow Floridians! We’re super famous, bro! We’re on “The Colbert Report!” That’s almost as exciting as the time we found a coupon for sloppy joe mix stuck to the roof a meth head’s toothless maw. A representative...

We want to roll with this little pimp Latarian Milton in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida (hollah!) cuz he tells it like it is. When asked by a TV reporter why he stole his grandmother’s SUV and rammed it into...

Alonzo Burke of Jacksonville, Florida [Ed. note: @#%$!!!!!!] has been arrested for fighting his teen daughters because one of them would not pray. Nothing instills the love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ like a roundhouse kick to...

Truck nuts, for the uninitiated, are reproductions of bull genitalia that hang from the back of huge trucks driven by disgruntled soccer moms with page boy haircuts or very large men with very small penises. Well, the Florida Senate,...

Step away from your meth labs and gather ‘round, kittens! It’s time for another installment of Fun Facts From Florida! Did you know… Floridians can now bring their guns to work? It’s true! But only if they leave them...

And here’s what Victoria’s parents, who think “MySpace is the anti-Christ” (We agree! Also, Facebook relationship statuses.), have to say. They talk about not being able to recognize their daughter’s face after her beating, of her history of violence...

Update: the Victoria Lindsay, teen beating video. (Warning: the content on the video is graphic and disturbing). Sixteen year-old Victoria Lindsay from Mulberry, Florida (surprise!) was abducted and beaten by a group of eight teenagers mostly girls, to the...

Hi girls and boys! And others - we’re inclusive. Guess what it’s time for! Sentences ending in prepositions! And also: Fun Fact From Florida! Yay. Today’s fun fact is brought you by the number 8 and the phrase “Jesus...

Kat Von D and Nikki Sixx attend an event for Heatherette while holding tight to one another’s genitals. Tammy Faye Baker would like her face back now, kthnx. [dlisted] Have you heard? There’s a “Beverly Hills 90210” spin-off in...

Whenever we see a headline pop up on the news feed that says someone saw a miraculous image on their toast, in their toilet bowl or, in this case, on an x-ray of their lungs, we don’t have to check...

This week proves there is no shortage of retardage in the world—or in Tampa, for that matter. It was there that an internet rumor began about kids huffing their own waste. Says Fox News: The Collier County Sheriff’s Office...

Turns out Mr. Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos, was a Florida stripper before he made it big playing a slab of Latin beef on “All My Children.” Now why doesn’t that surprise us? According to some website: Paula Maguire of...

It warmed our hearts today to read that a recent altercation that occurred between teens of different races in South Florida turns out not to be a racially motivated hate-crime: Prosecutors plan to drop hate-crime charges against five teens...

No speak English? Earl Stewart, the owner of a South Florida car dealership, has the answer for you. Stewart began running Spanish advertisements on English networks (because we guess the kiddie-jumpers weren’t working anymore) and now “English-only” advocates are...