‘Ello, lovelies. Last week, we discussed sluts, Jordin Sparks, and her pontificating on the subject of purity rings. This week, in equally happyfunshiny news, let’s break down a recent story regarding a man caught raping his wife on a...

When you care to send the very best, but then gradually stop caring and head to a Rite-Aid, Hallmark is there for you. Especially now that you want to send a card to your favorite Married Gays. The greeting...

We’re not quite sure what to think about this PSA from “Equality California.” The premise is this: A young woman faces several small obstacles on her wedding day. Eventually, she ends up on the floor in the middle of...

Salma Hayek and her boyfriend who cums dollar signs, François-Henri Pinault, have called off their multi million dollar wedding. Sad: “We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be...

Redheaded plasticface Kathy Griffin once dated neckless billionaire Steve Wozniak, but says the two never rubbed sticks and stones together. (That means sssssex.) And not only because her vulva has now been lifted somewhere around the vicinity of her...

A close review of the 2005 U.S. Census reveals some factors as to why more women than ever are living without a spouse. More bathroom counter space is high on our list, personally: Several factors are driving the statistical...

Manuel Uribe, who once held the world record for world’s heaviest person at 1,235 pounds, is getting ready to marry his long-term girlfriend. But, first, he needs to be able to walk. Or, like. Stand up: His most recent...

Rumors are swirling anew that Salma Hayek is getting married to her gazillionaire baby Daddy, François-Henri Pinault: Influmedia.com reports that the 41-year-old Mexican native said yes to her long-time boyfriend, and plans are underway for a ceremony that will...

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly keen on marrying her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, and has told her ex, Calum Best, that the two are engaged. Divorce countdown starts now: According to Britain’s Daily Star newspaper, the ‘Georgia Rule’ star has apparently...

Nervous after having been raised in an abusive household, Christina Aguilera made sure to screen Jordan Bratman before agreeing to marry his ass. The screening did not require her to dress him in leather chaps and feed him bits...

Jessica Alba’s father has revealed he’s super psyched that his daughter has saved her unborn child from eternal burning hellfire by getting married: “I think it’s good news for her,” Jessica’s papi said, sounding emotional on the phone. “I’m...

Jessica Alba neglected to tell her brother, Josh Alba, that she had gotten married to impregnator Cash Warren. Because, Jessica Alba? Hates brown people: Jessica Alba’s wedding to Cash Warren was so hush-hush that even her own brother was...

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren were married in Beverly Hills yesterday in an informal court house ceremony. They brought in dozens of white fake flowers for the occasion because no flower can stand up to the unadulterated magical joy...

Those stupid mojones Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz stole our idea for the themed wedding we would have if we were tacky enough to ever consider holding a themed wedding. Alice in Wonderland! Adding further to our pain, last...

We can’t wait to clip our toenails when this movie finally comes out. This might be a little spoilery for those of you who couldn’t predict the Sex and the City movie would contain large amounts of annoying shrieking...

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz and their hair irons were married this past Saturday in Los Angeles in what seems to be the most awkward wedding ceremony ever: Simpson, 23, wore an ivory lace wedding gown by Monique Lhuillier...

The lovely and talented Mariah Carey talks to the also lovely and talented Ellen DeGeneres about her stupid, awful wedding to stupid, awful Nick Cannon. It was stupid and awful. She also showed the People magazine pictures of the...

Ashlee Olson Parker-Gellar or whatever is marrying Pete Wentz, that nice young girl who’s in some band? Or something: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will wed Saturday, May 17 at a “top secret” location, a source close to the...

First Daughter Jenna “Twinkle” Bush got married to Henry Hager this past weekend at Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas. She wore her dad’s face and a lace wedding gown designed by Oscar de la Renta. Vows were exchanged...

People magazine obtained exclusive pictures of Mariah Carey making the biggest mistake of her life / Nick Cannon’s payday in the Bahamas. Behold Mariah in all her splendor, wearing some napkin on her head and almost getting eaten by...

Fuck. According to the New York Daily News, Ryan Reynolds had to go be a turd and get engaged to Scarlett Johansson even though we are very clearly the woman of his dreams. And her dreams. They’ve just both...

Mariah Carey’s quickie nuptials have put a dent in her ability to do other things like form coherent sentences, walk and chew gum at the same time or fulfill business obligations like appearing on “The View.” In all fairness...

Yandel is going to be the best man at Wisin’s wedding to Yomaira Ortiz! These names, man. Anyway, aren’t you totally excited? MTV News got a quote from Yandel and it goes a lil’ sumsing like this: “Wow W...

Show of hands! No? Anyone? Well, after his appearance on, um. “Divorce Court,” we’ve got to say Gary is quite the little charmer. He’s trying to work on his marriage with wife Shannon and that includes addressing some intimacy...

Apparently Mariah Carey was able to overlook the fact that Nick Cannon dresses like a cartoon and has not been remotely funny since ever enough to spend the rest of her life with him. Or until they go through...

Cynthia Nixon’s cancer scare back in 2006 made her realize what was important: Giving the world another reason to block the sidewalks all along Midtown thanks to the Sex and the City more. Oh, and her girlfriend of four...

President Vladimir Putin has divorced his wife Ljudmila in order to wed 25-year-old former gymnast Alina Kabaeva. They’re both very flexible people, you see: Alina Kabaeva is 25 years old, Russian gymnast who has had major success on the...

Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are not allowed to whisper thweet nothings into one another’s ears and date happily as they jump from country to country. Unacceptable! Everyone must get married, NOW: Penelope Cruz and recent Oscar winning actor...

Oh, ladieees! Put down the bag of Raisinets you’re eating voraciously under your desk and check out the most patronizing opening paragraph upon which you’ll ever feast your eyes (We promise this is one feast that’s calorie-free! Yummers!): Trying...

Jay-Z and Beyonce might be getting married in New York City today. A source close to Beyonce (Solange, probably. Jealous!) says the ceremony will include only a small number of guests, who were not told the location of the...

A tattoo reading “VII VII MMVII,” her wedding date, has mysteriously gone missing from desperate actress Eva Longoria’s wrist. Folks speculate it might be because her marriage to basketball player Tony Parker is crumbling faster than the impetigo on...

Justin Timberlake apparently plays him own damn self in his upcoming movie with Jessica Alba, The Love Guru. [Daily Mail] Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem: Not just a fling! Because no one introduces a fuck buddy to their parents,...

And now, because working on President’s Day after waking up at six in the morning in a Cherish Framboise-scented puddle of drool only to discover half our face is covered in a mysterious rash isn’t enough, let’s all look...

Laura Zapata, sister of Thalia and aunt of Camila Sodi, is totes not down with the fact that her whore of a niece married quite so young: “How sad that our first girl who gets married does it under...

Are Brad and Angelina getting married? Or is the fact that they’re slowly morphing into the same person enough? [MSNBC] Meanwhile, it looks as if Janet Jackson might never have another secret-marriage-resulting-in-a-painful-high-profile-divorce ever, ever again. [People] Whatever you do,...

So, whatever. It seems that Mexican actor Diego Luna went ahead and married his baby-mama-to-be in secret. Like she’s shameful or gross or not us or something. The ceremony allegedly took place this pact Saturday at Diego’s home in...

Cristiano Ronaldo turns 23 today. Somewhere, a team of hookers is extremely tired. [dlisted] Shakira is has no plans to marry her boyfriend; we have no plans to care one way or another. [Lossip] Conan O’Brien, Jon Stewart and...

Jessica Alba, who is pregnant and engaged to boyfriend Cash Warren, recently admitted to hating weddings. Tell us more, Sunshine!: Jessica, 26 said: “Everyone I know hates weddings. I’ve been to very big, beautiful and romantic weddings, but I...

Ines Gomez Mont, the Mexican reporter who proposed to Tom Brady during yesterday’s Superbowl media event, entered our radar this morning. The tenacious media hog enthralled us with her stunt, which prompted the question: Should Tom Brady leave Gisele for...

So who, exactly, is Ines Gomez Mont? Well, when she’s not proposing to spoken-for American football players at live press conferences, the 24 year-old appears on the gossip show “Venteaneando,” for the Mexican media station TV Azteca. Formerly a...

Tom Brady is cute. Really, really cute. He’s even cuter when he’s super fucking weirded out by TV Azteca reporter Ines Gomez Mont’s wedding proposal on live TV, smack in the middle of a press conference. She came prepared...

Actress and singer Ninel Conde’s wedding may have been a sham if recent rumors surrounding her husband’s previous marriage prove true. A woman named Maria Sol Corral claims Juan Zepeda never filed for divorce and, as such, the two...

Remember when we reported on the face-meltingly hot nuptials of Vogue’s Lauren Davis and Bolivian billionaire Andres Santo Domingo? Obviously, you’ve thought of nothing else, you impoverished cretin. Well now there’s photographic evidence of just how fabulous these sweaty...

Vogue writer Lauren Davis got married to billionaire Andres Santo Domingo a few weeks ago. We know, we know. Most exciting news of the year; we’ve totally come a bowlful of Jordan almonds just typing about it. Anyway, the...

Since announcing he and his super-cute but terribly-dressed Brazilian girlfriend, model Camilla Alves, are expecting their first child together, Matthew McConaughey’s mom has hinted that her son should look into adding a ball and chain to the sweaty-shirtless-bongo-playing-wild-man look...

In an article that has since been pulled from its website, El Universal claims that Hugo Chavez will be off the market very soon (sorry ladies!), as he might be planning to propose to Naomi Campbell at some point...

In Cuba, divorces are like new friends American tourists make in Havana: quick and easy. But getting your ex to move out might prove a bit difficult thanks to the island’s property laws and housing shortage: Estranged Cuban couples...

Argentine-Mexican actor Sebastian Rulli ushered in the New Year by marrying Some Woman Of Which We Are Somewhat Jealous. If only because Sebastian looks like he could open a jar of pickles with his boobs. And, you know. We...

Puerto Rican actress Roselyn Sanchez, whom you don’t remember from such films as Cayo and Venus & Vegas, has gotten engaged to Some Guy: Puerto Rican actress Roselyn Sánchez, 34, is planning to marry her boyfriend of two years,...

After several nano-seconds spent in agonized anticipation and gross speculation, we can finally rest easy knowing that Jessica Alba is indeed engaged to on-and-off boyfriend, Cash “Money” Warren aka Ca$h aka Your Name Is So Stupid, But You’re Kind...