We realize that not everyone likes to go balls to the wall liquor treatin’ for Halloween like we do. As a service to the hermits among you, we have compiled a schedule of some horror flicks to enjoy at home on the one night girls think it’s okay to dress like skankzilla.
28 October 2009
21 October 2009
Salma Hayek, Jessica Biel Read For Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, The Musical
By Cindy Casares at 9:22 AM.
21 September 2009
22 July 2009
Angry Latina Watch: Salma Hayek Is Totes Jeals Of Jennifer Aniston’s Emmy Nomination
By Alex Alvarez at 12:08 PM.
Salma Hayek is so enraged over Jennifer Aniston’s Emmy nomination for her guest spot on 30 Rock that she’s been swearing in Spanish. Dear God, it’s just like those bad, bad men in Westerns.
15 July 2009
Brüno Makes Fun Of Salma Hayek While Engaging In A Little Mexican Face-Sitting
By Alex Alvarez at 5:30 PM.
Brüno - a movie that is either, depending who you are, about how silly gheys are or how silly people who think gheys are so silly are - has a few jokes at the expense of Mexicans, including their Queen, Salma Hayek.
7 July 2009
Jon Peters Has A Boner For Salma Hayek And She’s Not Interested
By Alex Alvarez at 12:00 PM.
Jon Peters, the man who produced such varied fare as Wild Wild West and Gorillas in the Mist, is shopping an autobiography which is said to include descriptions of affairs he’s had with high-profile women. Among the alleged lovers is Salma Hayek, who is not happy that she should be linked to anyone who is less than a krazillionaire.
16 June 2009
Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz Join The Short List Of Creepy Latino Wax Sculptures
By Alex Alvarez at 4:05 PM.
Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are the latest celebrities to have their likenesses rendered in wax for the purpose of vaguely creeping out celebrity-obsessed tourists for years to come. The figures, once completed, will be displayed at the Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Hollywood.
21 May 2009
The Muñequa Del Día Is Valentina Paloma Pinault!
By Cindy Casares at 4:14 PM.
Valentina Paloma Pinault, add this to your pile of good fortune, girl: You are Guanabee’s Muñequa del Día.
18 May 2009
6 May 2009
Salma Hayek’s Honeymoon: Better Than Yours
By Alex Alvarez at 11:09 AM.
Salma Hayek is continuing to show off her lavish, enviable lifestyle through the surreptitiously-placed lenses of paparazzi cameras by honeymooning on an island off the Eastern coast of Africa.
27 April 2009
Salma Hayek’s Venetian Wedding Was Full Of Stars, Dirty Canal Water
By Alex Alvarez at 10:37 AM.
Salma Hayek got married to François-Henri Pinault (again) in Venice over the weekend and the couple had lots of high profile guests on hand to help them celebrate. And David Blaine. Sadly, neither Charo nor Ramtha decided to make an appearance, but we’re sure they mailed awesome bridal gifts
24 April 2009
Salma Hayek And François-Henri Pinault To Wed Tomorrow In Venice, Ramtha To Preside
By Cindy Casares at 9:52 AM.
We’re just kidding about Ramtha, but in light of Salma’s spiritual affiliations, we wonder if Ramtha is invited to her rehearsal dinner tonight in Venice. (The Guanabee helicopters have already been dispatched.)
23 April 2009
Hacker Accessed Salma Hayek’s Emails, Shows She And Charo Are Into Strange RAMTHA Spiritual Shit And Possibly Caca Facials
By Alex Alvarez at 6:00 PM.
A hacker managed to break into Salma Hayek’s email account, revealing her many invitations, engagements, penchant for designer clothes, cold-ass correspondences with what appear to be PR people… and that she’s a follower of Ramtha, an ancient spirit channeled by a putty-looking woman.
Little Valentina Is In Venice For Salma Hayek & François-Henri Pinault’s Second Wedding
By Alex Alvarez at 1:22 PM.
22 April 2009
15 April 2009
9 April 2009
Prince Writes A Song For Salma Hayek, Asks Valentina To Let Salma Know He’d Like Her Little Red Corvette
By Alex Alvarez at 12:00 PM.
Prince, the artists formerly known as “the artist formerly known as Prince,” has written a song about his crush on Salma Hayek. The song, “Valentina,” is named for Salma’s baby daughter and contains lyrics like: “Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call/ When she get tired of runnin’ after you down [...]
