Warning: Watching the above clip from “Viva Hollywood” made us hit ourselves in the face repeatedly with the remote control and then set our roommate on fire using only Kahlúa and a bong. You may want to watch with your hand over your eyes.
On this week’s episode of every Latino’s favorite show “Viva Hollywood,” Walter Mercado challenged the remaining seven contestants to perform a musical telenovela scene. (Cop Rock, anyone?) According to co-host Carlos Ponce, “the musical telenovela is a huge and growing genre in the business.” Is this true, or is he just talking about Rebelde? Of course, before the competition even began, there was plenty of drama in the Casa when Sylvia had to resign from the show suddenly because of a mysterious family emergency. That kind of sucks because she was our favorite female contestant, but whatever. We’re one less person closer to the end of this hell. In the above video, Maria Conchita Alonso in Dee Snyder eye makeup introduces a flamenco number (of course) performed by Roseni and Geovanni that shockingly didn’t get him voted off the show. (Sadly, that honor went to little, gay Enrique.) We challenge you not to cringe through it. While loading a semi-automatic weapon. Also, look out for the Charo cameo. Just before you start shooting from a bell tower, that is.
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Our mothers taught us well. This is how pop stars should dance.
Just when we think nothing in the world could make us want to have kids, along comes a video of an awesome baby who bites fingers and his big brother who sounds like Eliza Doolittle. “Chahlay bit may!” Come over here, Charlie. We have some people for you to bite, too. Yay! Oh, and happy Mother’s Day, everybody.
It’s been confirmed that Tejano superstar Emilio Navairo, who almost killed himself and the rest of his band during a bus crash on Easter Sunday, had more than twice the blood alcohol level allowed to legally operate a car (let alone a bus) in the state of Texas. A report made public on Thursday said the singer’s alcohol level was 1.9, while the legal limit in Texas is 0.08. This makes the third time the singer has been caught driving drunk, with one incident in 2005 allegedly resulting in a previous drunk driving accident. But even after the two prior arrests, Navaira wasn’t required to use a breath analyzer to drive because he told to the state in an affidavit that he doesn’t own a car. Which begs the question: Who was more irresponsible there? Emilio for working that loophole or the judge who looked the other way? No DWI charges have been filed for this latest incident because the severely injured singer is basically trapped in a prison of his own making, but that could change in time:
Jeff Archuleta, evil stage dad of our adorable little chuletito David Archuleta, has been banned from rehearsals, etc for American Idol. This could be the show’s attempt at a telenovela plot line to ensure record-breaking ratings during its final days, but it also might be due to the fact that Jeff Archuleta is a well-documented control freak. We know. Let’s ask TMZ:
After losing their three young children in a car accident involving a big-rig, Lori and Chris Coble have welcomed a set of triplets. Ashley, Ellie and Jake were delivered via C-Section and babies and mom are all doing well. Since the accident, the Cobles have been advocates of implementing set shifts for truckers to make driving safer. We love stories with happy(ish) endings.
Spotted: A graphic wild posting featuring a chihuahua and the word, “HEEL” on it on the corner of 2nd and B in Manhattan’s East Village. Could this be a teaser campaign for Disney’s new animated monstrosity? Truth and time tell all.
Ed Graziano, father of the boy who was wounded in Nick Hogan/Bollea/Bologna Hoagie’s car crash, has spoken out about this son’s state and Nick’s lack of remorse:
Ed Graziano, father of John Graziano, then made an emotional statement to the court: “John was my first born son, and the first chance to carry on my family name.”
Describing the day before the accident, he said John “was healthy, he was safe, and he was strong. He was a hero. He was a United States Marine. He was willing to put his life in harm’s way to protect his country’s freedom, [but] what Al Queda could not do to my son, Nick did to my son in minutes.”
Um…
Here are Jim Bob (We… do not judge?) and Michelle Duggar announcing the birth of baby # 64.3 in their own words. Or in Jim Bob’s own words (We judge.) , with Michelle nodding dutifully. Just as the good Lord intended. Um. They seem… sweet.
Earlier: Happy Mother’s Day, Michelle Duggar! You Make Our Vagina Hurt
These “massage pants” from Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Co., Ltd. have a built-in vibration feature as well as temperature control. Nifty! They allow the wearer to choose from various types of massage, presumably everything from taint tickles to ball busting, or to elect a twenty-minute automatic setting so I a theoretical person can finish her work in peace without being asked for a for a favor.
And, the best part? A minimum order is 500 units. That’s enough for all your friends and family! Happy Mother’s Day!
Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Co., Ltd [Trade Key]
